Two buns!?! The Transfer

At 5am Sunday morning my alarm went off. I have it set to this beautifully calming piano music, so when it seeped into my unconscious mind, my awakening was less a startled on, and more a gentle awareness. I dressed, crept into my kids's room and kissed them each goodbye while they slept, and then said goodbye to my husband. I used my Uber app to call a ride, and waited. In the dark and cold rain, I pulled my luggage out to his white mercedes that waited for me. He was a shorter man, of darker complexion, and he had the biggest smile on his face. "Good morning!" This man had obviously had his coffee already. I smiled and climbed into his back seat and we drove down the road. "So you're headed to SFO, holiday vacation?" Here came the moment where I had to ask myself, "Do I tell this stranger where I'm actually going? Or do I reserve the information for myself?" I can generally tell by a person's demeanor how well the truth in this case will be received and I decided to be honest. I said "Well actually I'm on my way to San Diego because I'm going to be a surrogate mother and carry a baby for two amazing men." The driver looked at me through the rearview, and I could hear him audibly get choked up. He just kept saying "Wow.. I just...wow thats amazing. Wow." I smiled, and watched out the window as we drove down Hwy 101, the rain was getting harder. "My wife and I tried for 13 years to get pregnant.." he said. I was floored. I turned back to him and listened as he unfolded his tender story of infertility with his wife, and the adoption of his girls, and the miracle baby that God surprised them with 6 years ago. I couldn't believe it. Sitting in my Uber car, on my way to be a surrogate again, was another couple who had faced the difficult battle of infertility. I was covered in goosebumps as he continued to praise my sacrifice, and how moved he was that I would do something such as this for anyone. I'll tell you right then and there, the spirit was in that car. It was as if God were next to me squeezing my hands saying "Hunny this is exactly the right thing.. you are exactly where I want you to be and I'm proud of you." It was all I could do to not well up in tears at this God-wink moment. We pulled up at the airport and said our goodbyes, and the Uber driver told me I would be in his prayers tonight with his family. I checked my bags, boarded my plane, and watched the morning sunrise from above stormy clouds..

When I landed, I walked to the Uber pick up zone and waited for my ride who was to take me to my pre-transfer ultrasound. As usually happens in a cab or Uber, he asked where I was going, again faced with that "Do I tell?" moment, I chose again to be honest. The driver again was floored, and told me that his ex wife and he wanted children, but because of physical limitation on her, she wasn't able to ever carry a baby. He told me he was honored to be driving me to my appointment. I again couldn't believe that God had placed someone else in my path that assured me yet again how what I was doing was exactly what I was called to do. There is something so peaceful and beautiful in knowing that what you're doing is right, and good. It felt like the happiest day of my life, and I walked into Dr. Smotrich's office, luggage in hand, and sat in the ultrasound room for my check. There...on the wall of his office was something incredible....

After Alaya was born, I got a tattoo. This tattoo was a symbol of my life and journey, and is a vine of morning glories, and jazmine winding up my back. Morning glories because they grew outside of my window as a child, one flower for my husband, and one for each of my children. The jasmine flowers are Indonesia's national flower, so I got them in representation of my last surrogacy. One flower for each member of my last IP's family. Here, in the office of Dr. Smotrich, painted on the wall..was my tattoo..

I couldn't believe it..I laughed out loud.

My lining was a 14mm thickness, they usually look for 8. I was ready to go. That night at about 10pm, my IF#1 for to our hotel and came to my room. He hugged me, and gave me gifts for our night before transfer. A necklace that represented me, and the two little embryos they would impact the next morning, and a gorgeous bracelet made of black leather and gold. Candied bacon, cookies, and christmas ornaments all from local shops near their vacation home. They were all incredibly thoughtful gifts and I chose to wear the necklace and bracelet the next morning for good luck.

Transfer day

I ate my breakfast in my room, dressed, put my makeup on, looked at myself in the mirror and smiled to myself. This was it. The day my IFs had waited for. I was so excited I was almost shaky. I met IF at his room, and we drove to the appointment where we met Holly from SAI my agency in the lobby. She handed me a gift bag with snacks and a journal for keeping track of my journey, and the good luck transfer monkey toy. A nurse soon came out to get me and I signed some paperwork mainly stating that I consented to the procedure, before taking a vallium and undressing from the waist down and wearing a gown and hair net. I laid on the table with a warm blanket and socks on while the nurse brought in my IF. He sat up by my head while the nurse prepped me and Dr. Smotrich came in and showed us the photo of both embryos. Then he inserted the speculum, and catheter into my uterus through my cervix. IF#2 joined us on FaceTime and watched with IF#1 as both their little babies, one boy and one girl, were placed snuggly into my uterus. Then the catheter was removed and I was instructed to lay there for 30 mins.

After the little babies were settled, Dr. Smotrich placed his hands on my belly and offered a beautiful blessing. The room was emotional and we were all struck at the beauty and gravity of that moment. It was truly God in that room with us, and I could feel the love surrounding these babies entirely. What a beautiful story they will hear, that they were placed into a warm womb and wrapped in total love. 

Ive been on bed rest for 2 days now. My IF has taken such incredible care of me, bringing me food, making sure my room is tidy, and beating me at UNO 8 times out of 10. ;) He's pretty brutal when it comes to UNO folks..do not be fooled by his charming sweetness. ;) hehe The lovely Ann Miranda from SAI has driven to my hotel every night to give me my Progesterone shots!! This woman is an angel people, she is so amazing and I wish I lived closer to her because we would probably hang out a lot. So the only thing I notice today is being very tired, and extremely thirsty. I've had so much water it's insane. I keep drinking bottle after bottle of it, and it's still not enough. I'm hoping these are all good signs. Tomorrow is my last day of bed rest, and IF#1 leaves on his flight tomorrow, but my older brother is coming to visit me so I'm excited to see him! 

This journey is off to an amazing start, filled with love, and blessings and hope. I couldn't ask for a more amazing agency, IPs, family, friends. Everyone who has said prayers for these babies, the loved ones who are helping my husband as he cares for our children without me there, all of it. Thank you.

Pre-heating the oven..so to speak

Well here we are.. 3 days away from the transfer! I have been terrible with keeping this blog updated as we recently moved into a new house and life got hectic (as it usually does.)

I fly to San Diego super early this Sunday morning and head to an ultrasound at 10am, then I check into my hotel and prepare for the following three days of strict bed-rest. I am only allowed up to use the restroom. No shower. (yuck!)

My medications are in full swing. I take Prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin, doxycycline, prednisone in the morning, and Progesterone pills, another Doxycycline, and a shot in the upper hip area of Progesterone. Also a shot every monday and Thursday of Delestrogen. The shots are beginning to really hurt. Especially the progesterone oil. I had to walk around my kitchen mumbling expletives after tonight's round of 2 shots. One in each hip. I am now sitting on a heating pad to hopefully help.

I forgot how exciting yet stressful this time is for me, granted there is not the same pressure as last time I did this. My previous IPs that I carried for only had 1 healthy embryo! So far my guys have about 24 to choose from, though that number may drop as we get closer to the transfer date. I'm so excited for them. IF#1 is going to stay at my hotel with me (in a separate room...we're close, but we're not "Corinne's morning face" close...yet. hehe I guess we'll be "Here's my vagina and your kid"close in about 9 months eh?)

I will update again from my bed in the hotel..lord knows I'll have little else to do. ;)

Labor Day fun with my IFs!

This past Labor Day weekend we invited my IFs over for a BBQ dinner to meet our kids and to continue to get to know one another. It was warm, and I prepared a Flank steak marinated in Balsamic vinegar, honey, and pepper, a salad and roasted rainbow carrots and beets. My kids stood excitedly at the front window looking out for the guys and started jumping up and down when they saw them walking up the walkway. Hunter opened the front door and hid behind Daddy with a huge smile on his face. We all exchanged hugs and IF1 handed us a huge box of cupcakes they picked up from a bakery near their house in SF. IF2 had 2 bottles of wine and one of them was from a winery near their home.

We all stepped into the back yard and chatted while I waited for the vegetables to finish roasting in the oven, and for my Step Dad to finish with the steaks on the grill. It was a warm evening filled with smells of hot bbq, and laughter as my daughter suddenly realized she was the center of attention and began performing for our guests.

We ate our meal and talked about Wyoming, and city life. We talked about what it's like in Kindergarten and school today as opposed to when they were in school. We laughed and Hunter brought IF1 into his room to show him all of his beanie babies that IF1 gave him at our last night out. Hunter sleeps in them like a nest. We put Emma to sleep and she kissed everyone goodnight. It was so fun to see the guys with my kids. Hunter started playing "telephone" with IF1 using glow in the dark bracelets and we all thought it was super cute.

I am waiting now for my medical appointment in San Diego where I will go down for blood tests and exam to be cleared to begin contracts. I'm so excited!!!!!! Things are getting real. The egg donor is picked and we are ready to bake this adorable little cupcake! hehe.

***Follow me in this journey on Instagram at @misscorinne86 ***

Its a match!!

Yesterday was an exciting day, but it started pretty normally. I woke up and knocked over my coffee maker, spilling grounds and water all over my parent's kitchen. That took me about 45 minutes to clean up and I'm still finding grounds this morning. Then I wiped some boogers from sick little noses and ran to unload some more of our stuff at the storage facility down the road. I sat in the car waiting for my husband to pull up in his truck, and thought about how this exact weekend 2 years ago I met my first set of IPs. I took a photo is my nervous face before leaving to go meet them, so I decided to take another similar photo.

I wondered, "Were they as nervous as I was? Are they excited?" I drove back home and changed my clothes into a black and white dress. "Do I look like I had 3 kids? Is that something they even care about..how I look in a dress?" Then the thoughts only a surrogate has ever had start popping into my mind.. thoughts like "Oh Hi..nice to meet you both..may I carry your baby in my uterus for you?" Like seriously...who thinks that? Surrogates. Thats who. 

We went to a restaurant in Sunnyvale called Faz. Its actually the restaurant my parents were married at..you could even see the garden from our table. I was calm the whole ride there..but as I sat at the table I subconsciously began twisting my hands and fingers. I said to Jason "I think I'm starting to get nervous now." and he laughed and said "I noticed..your starting to fidget." I debated a glass of wine, but I could feel a headache coming on and knew a glass would throw me over the edge and into the land of head pain. Then as I looked at Jason, he said "I think that's them...yup" and I had a second where I prepared to turn my head and look. One of those moments where you know everything is about to change. And there they were..walking towards me with smiles on their faces. It was like everyone in the restaurant disappeared into gray and they were two pillars of color. I broke into a huge smile and knew this was going to be great. We ordered our food, and talked about so many things. How they both grew up in the midwest the same as my husband and I was pleasantly surprised that my Jason talked about as much as I did the whole dinner! They had a lot in common being midwest boys living in CA. ;) 

We talked about my last surrogacy, about breast feeding, about family, and travel. It was an easy flowing conversation filled with laughter. I was relaxing with each minute. 

We are all hoping to get together again soon, this time in San Francisco. I can't wait to see them again, and I can see this being another amazing journey.

(Jason, Me, IF#1, IF#2)

My health....and waiting.

Well here I am, 2 months post op and I am 100% better. Not only do I have my energy back, but I am able to work out pain free and I am back on my normal womanly schedule. Woohoo!! My Dr. gave me the total clear to be a surrogate again. Said everything looks as if Essure was never even there.... So what am I waiting for??

Well my husband is in the Interview process with San Diego Police,  If we don't end up moving I will be matched again too. Just gotta wait a few more weeks.

I hate that part....waiting. I think if there is ONE lesson God really wants me to excel in, it's patience. For real. First as a Marine Wife I had to wait for a LOT of different reasons..war being one of them. Then if pregnancy isn't a test of patience I don't know WHAT is, and now my own children. They're pretty much going the extra mile in the "Helping mom gain more patience" dept. *Glare*

So that's it for now.. Still getting nice updates from my first IPs. Little Alaya is growing up so quickly!! I can't believe her 1st birthday is coming up. Crazy.

The coils are OUT!!

*Forgive me if this blog post seems a tad scatter brained as I am writing it while on pain medication.*

On April 13th Jason and I flew to Los Angeles CA for my Essure removal surgery. My best friend Reshea flew out from Arizona to watch my kids for me. I spent the day before we left organizing as much of the kid's stuff as I could so that Reshea wouldn't have to search high and low for things as she needed them, but Emma is 2, and wanders off with everything so I don't know why I bothered. Haha. We got to the airport and our flight was delayed an hour which didn't really bother me because I didn't have little kids to entertain, and I just settled my head in on Jason's shoulder and waited. Our flight was quick, and the car to our hotel was smooth. I highly recommend Blacklane as a company to transport you to your hotel. Cheaper than a taxi and nicer than one too.

We had my pre-op appointment at 2:30. I met with Dr. Saadat at the Reproductive Fertility center in Beverly Hills. The office was extremely nice, and clean, up to date and the staff were so kind. He met with me, went over all my paperwork and my medical files from my Essure placement. Then he did an ultrasound and we got everything ready for the next day's surgery. My surgery was moved up to 6am. The first surgery of the day! We got to the Surgical center and filled out some more paperwork before I headed back to change into a gown and socks and a pretty little hair net. (Not cute.) Then I sat in the bed while the anesthesiologist met with me. He was very patient, and explained the entire process in great detail before I walked back to the procedure room. I lay down and he gave me a small amount and asked me how I felt. I said I felt slightly drunk, then he gave some more and I could barely keep my eyes open, so he gave some more and I was OUT! It felt like I slept a really good sleep. When I woke up I could immediately tell that my back pain which was constant, was gone. I couldn't believe it. I didn't feel nauseated, but I did feel tired, and a little dizzy. Dr. Saadat came to talk to me and told me that everything came out perfectly!!! My uterus is totally perfect and without any scarring, I can be a surrogate again! He tied my tubes traditionally and everything went without a hitch. I even have the cup of my coils. Those things look brutal.

I came back to my hotel room, and my husband Jason took amazing care of me. It is truly therapeutic for a marriage to go through something like this together. It gave me a greater appreciation for my husband and it was touching to have his gentle care of me.

My best friend since 1st grade Jeffrey came by to visit me since he only lives about 45 mins away from my hotel. He spent both days with me, and brought me a yummy Starbucks. It was so nice to visit and catch up with him.

I am home now and recovering nicely. I can't believe it but even two days after surgery I can see a difference in my belly. I am no longer swollen to the point of looking pregnant. I have been urinating like crazy and I think it's because I am loosing all of the swelling and water weight I was holding onto with the Essure in.

Me the day before surgery, and two days after surgery.

I am beyond grateful to all of my friends and family who donated to my go fund me account to have these removed. I honestly could NOT have afforded this without you all. YOU saved me..and you can count yourselves among the many who work to help create families. Because of YOU I can now help create another baby for a deserving family. And for that I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. Words can honestly not express enough how grateful I am to you all who helped. Thank you.

The plan is to take a few months to heal. We are waiting to find out where Jason's upcoming career will take us, and when we get settled I will be matched again! I can't wait. :)

When one door closes...kick it open!!

Where do I begin... This week has been an intense roller coaster of emotions for me. On Monday a woman who has become my dear friend at SAI had to call and deliver some not so fabulous news to me. The clinic in San Francisco that my IFs work with denied me as a suitable surrogate based on the fact that I had the Essure coils in my fallopian tubes. The procedure was done in November and was the means by which I decided to have my "tubes tied." I was assured multiple times and even in writing by my Dr. that I would still be able to carry a baby as a surrogate after the procedure. I decided to go ahead with the Essure, and now have learned that the Essure is the sole thing preventing me from being a surrogate again.

When Ann called me, I broke down. I fell to the kitchen floor and bawled. I cried for my IFs, I cried for my previous IPs who might have wanted me to carry a second child for them in the future, and I cried for myself. The one thing I wanted out of this whole few months of pain and recovery from the procedure was now ripped from me. I felt violated. I felt lied to. I was angry, and heart broken. My son hugged me when he saw me crying in the kitchen and asked why I was so upset. I told him "It's because someone lied to mommy and it hurts when you find out someone said something that turns out to not be true." He hugged me tighter. He asked me to help him find his hammer, and I was still in a state of shock, but I got up and started looking for his toy hammer for him. All I kept thinking was "I need to find his hammer..thank God I have something else to focus on." and I remember feeling sad when I found it, because now I needed to find something else to keep my mind busy. The entire day was filled with crying and numbness....and then the love poured in. Boy did it pour in... I started getting texts, emails, messages on FB, comments, calls from people who loved me and who had armed themselves with solutions. I couldn't believe it.

One of the places suggested to me was a surgeon in North Carolina who was skilled at removing the Essure coils!! This friend had a sister in law that went there and even had a successful pregnancy after her coils were removed! It felt as if a ray of light seared its way into my darkness and said "Get up..this isn't over." I started doing research, hundreds upon hundreds of cases where Essure malfunctioned, or caused permanent damage. I knew these things and to come out. I wouldn't feel safe carrying a baby for someone else with these things in... I only wish my Dr. had discussed these very serious risks with me beforehand.

I spoke on the phone with my IFs and it was an emotional conversation. I don't know when I can be scheduled for this surgery, and I have a feeling they will need to find a different surrogate as I also don't have a gaurantee that the surgery will be successful and I can't ask them to wait an indefinite amount of time.

The good news is that my IFs can still become parents, and I will (after this surgery, and if successful) be able to carry a baby as a surrogate again!!! An angel who shall remain anonymous has stepped in to help and is paying for my surgery!! I now need to come up with the money for my flights and Hotel stay. Please, if you feel compelled, the link to donate is below. Know that your prayers for me mean just as much if not more than your monetary support. I will keep you all updated as this continues.. My love to you all. I'm not done yet..

Here is the link to my gofundme page...
http://www.gofundme.com/p4wpi0

The Start of Something Wonderful...

Today my IFs came to our house for a visit! This was my idea for a couple reasons, the first being that it was important to me that they see our home. I know that if I were an IP (Intended Parent) I would want to see that the person that was going to carry my baby wasn't a hoarder, or living in their own filth or some other horrific situation that might affect the health of my baby. I also wanted them to meet my kids, and I knew my kids would be most comfortable here in our home, and then the final reason of course was that they were just so awesome I couldn't wait to see them again and learn more about them.

Emma and Hunter sat on the couch, leaning out the opened window when Brad and Tomer pulled up. Hunter had spent the last 5 minutes yelling out our window "Brandon and Tomer where areeee youuu??" For some reason Hunter's having a hard time saying "Brad." We'll work on it. ;) The kids got so excited when we saw them walking up the drive way! I let them in, and graciously accepted the still warm Pecan Pie that Brad extended to me. Yummmmmm. I couldn't wait to cut into it. He said his Southern upbringing prohibited him from visiting a house without baked goods. Haha! We sliced into it right away and poured our coffees and settled on the sofas in my living room. The kids were each given a gift from Brad and Tomer! It was so sweet of them to bring something for the kids. Hunter wanted to play with his toy cars right away, and Brad showed Emma how to make the spiky hair on her toy's head stand up straight and silly. We spent the next 2 and a half hours talking about all kinds of things, from our families, to our heritage, possibilities of birth photography and baby blogs with their ever changing "guaranteed to work for your child" philosophies.

We opened my scrap book and looked at the photos from my previous surrogacy, and Hunter came over to sit on my lap. I took the gravity of the moment and said "Hey Hunter do you remember when IM and IF let me watch their baby in my tummy so she could grow big and strong? And then I gave her back to her mommy and daddy when she was done growing? Do you remember that?" He nodded and Brad and Tomer smiled, "Well these daddies right here are going to let the Dr put their baby in my tummy so I can help it to grow big and strong too, and then their baby can go home with them isn't that neat?" Hunter nodded and said "Ya!" and smiled at Brad and Tomer before running off again.

Have you ever met people that you just feel comfortable with? Where the conversation flows easily, and you could go on and on just enjoying each other's company? I'm so happy today. I'm so filled with Joy and excitement for these men and where their lives are about to go. I can't wait to finish all my med screens so I can sign contracts and get started on prepping for a transfer!! Being a surrogate is honestly the biggest privilege. I'm so honored.


p.s. we were having SUCH a good time that I completely forgot to take pictures of us together. HA! The photographer forgot to take pics... ironic.

 The Pie!!

 Coffee

 One of Hunter's cars he got from Brad and Tomer!

 Flowers I bought to liven up my kitchen

 Emma's little furry toy she named "Emma".

Me  :)

Meeting my new IFs (Intended Fathers)

I forgot about this feeling. I forgot how incredibly nervous and on edge I felt with my first surrogacy when I was on my way to meet my IPs (Intended Parents.) Jason and I asked my friend Nicole to watch our kids, and I changed from my skirt to pants at the last second before heading to the truck. We were meeting at Starbucks, about a mile from our house. Of course we were 15 minutes early. Thats a habit this Marine and his wife haven't kicked yet (at least when we don't have our kids in tow.) I ordered a drink and found a nice table outside. It was about 72 degrees and sunny, a beautiful day. Jason and I chatted and I sent a text to Brad and Tomer saying "We are here, but we are early so no rush." and they walked around the corner 2 minutes later.

We were all instant smiles, I stood to go hug Brad first and he is so tall! I gave Tomer a hug and asked the guys if they wanted to get their drinks and then sit with us. They went inside and after ordering and walking out with their drinks we all sat together and the conversation started. We talked about family, nieces and nephews, parents, where we all grew up, how we met our spouses. Then we had true conversation. The real stuff, under all the fluff. What they went through to finally reach surrogacy to help them become dads, the risks they had to weigh with adoption, the search for the right Surrogate mother, the defeat of wondering if the match would ever happen, and the relief at knowing that this was going to be a great match. We talked about the IVF clinic in San Francisco, about Brad's hopes to be a stay at home dad, and the new found appreciation the two of them would have in each other as parents.

Here in front of me were two men who were fighting to be dads. They were standing at the brink of a new phase of life, and I enjoyed being slightly removed and noticing them and holding that moment in my mind, because its a beautiful reflection on the day I'm in labor when I see them hold that baby for the first time. Its this beautiful calm before the beautiful storm. The craziness, the chaos, the learning, the crying, both child and father, the love and appreciation, the growth I know Brad and Tomer will have in their love for each other when they see the other as a father, it's just the best.

Surrogacy is such an honor to be able to participate in, and I am just so touched that God put these two men in my life, who will be trusting me with the care of their little one. They get to come to the appointments, and be as involved as they want and I am so excited for this awesome new journey.

(Tomer, Brad, Me, Jason)

Two Daddies are Better Than None.

I want to address a few things in this post...

First of all, single mamas..you know you are a whole different breed of "bad-@%%" ok? Don't read into the title too much.

Second of all I understand that I will lose some readers because of who I am deciding to carry a baby for on this next journey. I get that.. and it's ok. It's ok because I'm not doing surrogacy for anyone else other than my IPs, and myself.

If all continues to go well, I will be carrying a baby for two of the kindest Gay men. **BOOM** Questions right? Did they flood your mind? I bet I know what they are...

-Is the egg yours??

-Will you be the mother figure??

- How will you explain this to your kids??

-Why would you carry for a gay couple when there are still straight couples who are infertile??

Did I cover them? Ok, no the Egg is not mine. As far as I know (remember I have not signed contracts with this couple yet) the egg is from a donor and not from a family member of the IPs. Will I be the mother figure? No.. I am making a family. Meaning 2 dads and a baby(s?) That's the family. There is no expectation of being a mother figure, because not every family needs a mother. If our relationship evolves into a close friendship and we stay in each other's lives I would be perfectly happy with that, but we take each day as it comes. This family will be lucky enough to have two dads, just like some families are lucky enough to have two moms, and some are lucky enough to have a mom and dad, and some are lucky to have one mom and no dad, and some are lucky to have one dad and no mom! That's the beautiful thing about families, is there IS NO RULE for what makes a family. Think about that. Some families are made up of friends. Some are made up of grandparents and grandkids. There is a book I plan on reading with my kids called "The Family Book" by Todd Parr. I highly recommend it. It explains all the different ways that a family can be, and that it's ok to be different. Its what makes us beautiful and what makes our families beautiful.

When I started out looking into surrogacy I wanted to do it for three reasons. The first was because I had seen a family member struggle with infertility and desperately wanted to help other couples to become parents who were unable to for medical reasons. The second reason is because I have seen how hard it is for Gay couples to adopt, and the hoops they have to go through to get their children, and in some states its not even allowed. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi-sexual, transgender..whatever...if you desire to care for and love your child, you deserve to be a parent. The WORLD NEEDS LOVING PARENTS!! I am tired of seeing news articles about crazy people who have hurt their babies. It makes me so angry, and then I think of all those straight and gay couples who would give almost anything to have a baby and they can't! So I'm here. I'm here, and I'm excited to carry this baby for these men, and to usher in this new chapter of their lives and to see them become daddies! There is nothing that brings me greater joy in my life than to see my acts bring joy to others. That is why I am here, and if this journey offends you because I am choosing to bring a life to this couple, then you are more than welcome to step away from this journey. I am bringing only positive energy and love to this family, and this blog will be emblazoned with it. If you do not support me, I still love you, and we can simply enjoy speaking of other things. If you do support me, welcome to this new and exciting, and very different journey to a family. Enjoy the ride, I know I will.

I am just the messenger... again. :)

Yes.. I realize I had a baby 6 months ago, but sometimes God puts things in motion in your life that you just can't ignore.

 Today I got the profile of a couple (no details obviously because I haven't met them yet or talked to them about this blog...) and as I read their information and saw their photos and the reasons they wanted to be parents I was covered in goosebumps. This journey will be ENTIRELY different. Like...really different and I'm super excited.

THIS brings me joy people. Helping others to become parents. I can't describe it any other way than it's a "calling." My Dr. says I am perfectly healthy and ready to carry a baby again if I wish. I hopefully get to meet these new IPs sometime in the next few weeks, and if we like each other we move to the next step.

I wrote a blog post for SAI (My agency) about meeting potential IPs and surrogates and if you'd like to read it you can see it here.

My last IPs are so happy with little Alaya!! I love seeing that they are a family now, and I am updated on their lives every now and then. Its just perfect. They head back to Indonesia soon and I am ready and willing to help them again in the future if they ever want to try for another baby!

Life is really amazing..and while some will read this post and think "She's crazy for wanting to do this again so soon," I just hope they also understand that what I feel and receive as inspiration for my choices are my own. Its not for them to understand. It makes sense to me, and to my husband and family, and that's all that matters to us. I look forward to documenting this new journey!!!!!

(My face when I think "Ahhh I'm doing this again!!")