Monday, August 26, 2013

Frustrations..they happen.

Thank God for Michelle from SAI, she is keeping me sane and probably shielding me from even more frustrations with a certain individual at the Fertility Clinic I am working with for this transfer. There is a woman at the clinic..I'll call her "J", who is handling my paperwork and supposedly gathering my medical files so that she can schedule me for an appointment to come in and get screened and passed medically for this surrogacy. Well... I say supposedly because she has emailed both myself and Michelle asking US to get all of the paperwork for her. I did as much as I was able, but the hospital I delivered Hunter at in MN will only send my medical files to the Fertility clinic directly. I sent J the number to call and gave her the instructions from the hospital and cc'd Michelle. No reply. So then I CALLED J and gave her the same info again. She then emailed MICHELLE and asked HER to get the paperwork to send her. Michelle kindly reminded her that in my instructions I stated that the files could only be sent to a medical facility. SAI is NOT a medical facility. It's been over a week now, and neither Michelle or I have heard from J at all!! Michelle called my hospital in MN and they said no one has called them to ask for my paperwork!!!

Here is why I am fuming.... Not only is J wasting my time and prolonging this whole situation because she is lazy and doesnt want to do work, she is delaying poor Intended Father and Intended Mother who have waited YEARS to become parents because of health issues and now when it's in their grasp and in their sights SHE IS MAKING THEM WAIT BECAUSE SHE IS LAZY!!! Its paperwork!!! Its in her hands and she is taking her sweet time!! She has no sense of urgency and I am getting really really frustrated. I get that my appointment for transfer needs to be 9 months after Emma is born, I get that... but there is more that she can do in the meantime that she is NOT doing. And she is NOT communicating! Sorry... I just feel very angry that this J person is causing even more delay for IF and IM.. They are such beautiful people. I hope J gets her act together ASAP or I will talk to them about working with another woman in the clinic. Someone who sees just how important this work is.

Whew.. ok.. I feel a little more calm.

**Intended Father (IF) Intended Mother (IM)

Monday, August 12, 2013

Paperwork paperwork paperwork...

So much of this surrogacy process is paperwork. I spent much of Friday and Saturday printing off all the paperwork I needed to fill out for my psychiatric screening, and the medical history questions for the IVF clinic. Then I needed to have all of the paperwork from Hunter's delivery and pre-natal apts and Emma's prenatal and delivery apts sent to the clinic. I dont mind paperwork, sometimes I think filling out paperwork is theraputic in that I really let what I'm doing settle in my mind. I have time to think of the seriousness of what I am embarking on as I sign my name to the bottom of each sheet of paper.

Paperwork is the EASY part..if I can't handle paperwork, then the rest of this journey would be too difficult for me.

Saturday morning I had my skype meeting with the SAI agency's psychiatrist for my evaluation. How amazing is it that I could sit for a session with the Dr over a computer?! Technology is truly incredible. She met with both Jason and myself and we discussed our history, how we met, why we want to be surrogates, our strengths, what we admire in each other. That kind of thing. I really enjoyed listening to Jason's responses bc I personally find it difficult to inspire him to open up like that. Hearing the details of why he loves me or what he admires about me really warmed my heart. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW the man loves me.. but hearing the details of why was nice. After our interview, i took a little online test that was 300 questions long and evaluated the complexities of my personality. HA! Good luck test... I hope they sent the answers to Jason. HAHA I'm joking. The test was pretty accurate I thought. She read it's findings to me. Pretty neat!

I received an email from the IVF clinic that said I need to wait until Emma is 9 months old before beginning my fertility shots for the Embryo transfer. So that means my screening apt and blood work wont be until the end of September and I probably wont be officially pregnant until maybe November. I keep reminding myself to breathe. IF and IM have not pressured me to move things faster in any way, but I am the one wishing things would be moving faster! I want to be pregnant next week so I can give them their baby sooner! But I know that certain steps need to happen, and especially must be done for MY health. I'm just impatient. :) Always have been... always will be.

Next step is meeting with my attorney to sign contracts, and then wait until Sept for screenings. :)

In other news, my house smells amazing. I love my diffuser from IF and IM, and it came with perfume that I am obsessed with. Oh and I am making new friends via instagram who are also surrogate mommies!! I love technology sometimes.


** (IF) Intended Father (IM) Intended Mother
For Privacy Reasons names will remain private.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

"Getting to know you.."

When I was in High School I was in a play called "The King and I". It was a very fun show to be a part of, and I played the role of Tuptim, the new bride of the King of Siam. I wore one of my mom's traditional Indonesian dresses that was a gift to her from my Grandparents for the play, and loved the way I looked in the Batik print. I felt very rooted, and grounded in my heritage during that show, even though I played a Burmese woman. Today as I spent time with IF and IM, I found myself whistling a song from that show "Getting to know you". Some of the lyrics are "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me....Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy, because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you day by day." :)

IF and IM came over to our house today to visit, along with IM's parents. It was such an honor for me to meet them. I cleaned my house yesterday and this morning, following Hunter around with a broom and dustpan, desperate to keep the house clean at least until they got here. I set out a kettle of peppermint tea, made a pot of coffee and placed Madeline cookies on a china plate my mother painted rimmed with gold. I set my crystal sugar bowl my Aunt Cathy and Uncle Larry got me for my wedding along side the tea cups and felt ready! I was nervous again. Nervous to meet IM's family with the same nerves I experienced when meeting Jason's family for the first time. I loved IM and IF already as family, I hoped that IM's parents would like us as well. Jason was stuck at the DMV when they arrived, taking his test for his Motorcycle license (which he passed!!) and Hunter said "Uncle Andrew!!" when he saw IF. I laughed, because IF and Andrew (my brother) do have similar features. IM and her family were so nice, and I can only describe the moment seeing them as feeling as if I were with family. IM's mother reminded me so much of my Oma (Grandmother) before my Oma had her stroke. It was almost hard for me to not give her the biggest hug I could. Even the way she held Emma and bounced her reminded me of my Oma. It must be an Indonesian thing. :) IM's father was like the quiet Grandpa who laughed at the kids on the ground, but when he made a joke it was hilarious! IM held Emma and played with her on the ground and I just loved seeing that. I could instantly tell how amazing she will be as a mother, one who smothers her children with warm kisses and holds them until they wiggle free. Exactly the kind of mother I think of myself as. IF played Helicopters with Hunter and Hunter brought his trains to him to see. IF told Hunter that he had a train set just like his as a kid.  :)

IM and IF were so sweet and brought me a gift of a Diffuser that smelled fantastic!! Its on my hutch in my living room now and it smells so good, and a bag of pastries from IM's favorite cafe. It was such a sweet gesture and I honestly look forward to seeing them again in a few weeks. We are slowly getting to know each other little by little, and I am so looking forward to this journey.

After they left I called the Fertility clinic that IM is working with to schedule my appointment and they are emailing me all the paperwork I need to fill out. I go in after my paperwork is turned in for bloodwork, and an ultrasound to be medically sure my Uterus is healthy and can carry a child. I could be pregnant for IM and IF as early as September!! We will see, I am turning in all my paperwork as I get it, so hopefully this will all help to happen soon. :)



Sunday, August 4, 2013

Meeting the Intended Father and Intended Mother!

I could barely sleep last night. I was so excited, scared, nervous and anxious all at the same time. Emma has been working to break through three teeth, so add in a fussy 7 month old and it was a very sleepless night. I woke up this morning and already had my thoughts on IF and IM. I knew that IM was going through her own physical trauma as she had her egg retrieval a few days ago. I kept thinking of all the emotions and energy that this couple had invested into having a family, and it brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.

My mom got to our house at 4:00 and I was already dressed to go. I had dinners prepped and in the fridge, and Emma and Hunter's schedule written out on a piece of paper. Hunter asked to watch Dinosaurs with Grandma, so I set that up as well. Then Jason and I were out the door and into the truck. Jason and I were chatty on the way to SF, he sang along to country music, making up his own lyrics to try and make me laugh. He could tell I was nervous. We got stuck in traffic at the Bay Bridge and I knew we were going to be late so I texted IF to let him know. He said "No worries at all." So I felt better after that. We got to SF and parked in a parking structure that charged us 30.00!! to park.. holy cow San Francisco... Then we walked down Market Street to the hotel that IF and IM are staying at. The whole way, as I hung on Jason's arm, I observed the people around me. Some were homeless, some were families speaking French and German, some were obviously art students, and I even saw a Marine. I couldn't help but wonder what each person's story was, and what brought them to that exact location at that moment. What would someone think if they knew we were walking down the street headed to meet a couple I might carry a baby for?? What was THEIR story? That thought quickly passed as two men in black suites swiftly opened the hotel doors for us and we walked into the downstairs lobby. Beige carpet led to an elevator that took us to the 5th floor where the main lobby was. I wrung my hands, wondering if they were as nervous as I was to meet them. We stood in the lobby and I texted IF to tell him we were in the lobby, and he walked around the corner to greet us. We all shook hands and then walked into the restaurant to meet IM who stood to greet us as well. It was such a warm reception and the conversation flowed so easily. It felt like I was speaking with friends or family that I have known for a long time.

We talked about living in CA vs. Life in Indonesia, about what jobs we had, about Indonesian food and IM's love for her dogs, and their close relationship with their family. I then began to tell them why I wanted to be a surrogate mother. I instantly felt my throat catch, and my eyes swelled with tears. I told myself not to cry, but as I recounted my early days with Hunter, and holding him as he cried for hours as a new baby and how I KNEW that there were people out there who wanted what I had, even in that moment of frustration, and how I wanted to give that to someone, I couldn't help becoming emotional. I told them how my heart broke when I thought of how hard couples work to have what I had, and how I wanted so much to be able to bring that joy to someone. IM, IF and I cried, and even Jason as he reached over to grab my hand in support had tears in his eyes. IF and IM could not have been a more wonderful couple. I could instantly tell that they will make fantastic parents. I could feel it. I wanted to flash forward the 9 months so that I could see them with their baby right now! I was so excited for them, and for their supportive family who flew out here to be with them. This is the one of the biggest, most exciting things I have done in my life, and I can not wait to share each moment with them.