Saturday, February 14, 2015

Meeting my new IFs (Intended Fathers)

I forgot about this feeling. I forgot how incredibly nervous and on edge I felt with my first surrogacy when I was on my way to meet my IPs (Intended Parents.) Jason and I asked my friend Nicole to watch our kids, and I changed from my skirt to pants at the last second before heading to the truck. We were meeting at Starbucks, about a mile from our house. Of course we were 15 minutes early. Thats a habit this Marine and his wife haven't kicked yet (at least when we don't have our kids in tow.) I ordered a drink and found a nice table outside. It was about 72 degrees and sunny, a beautiful day. Jason and I chatted and I sent a text to Brad and Tomer saying "We are here, but we are early so no rush." and they walked around the corner 2 minutes later.

We were all instant smiles, I stood to go hug Brad first and he is so tall! I gave Tomer a hug and asked the guys if they wanted to get their drinks and then sit with us. They went inside and after ordering and walking out with their drinks we all sat together and the conversation started. We talked about family, nieces and nephews, parents, where we all grew up, how we met our spouses. Then we had true conversation. The real stuff, under all the fluff. What they went through to finally reach surrogacy to help them become dads, the risks they had to weigh with adoption, the search for the right Surrogate mother, the defeat of wondering if the match would ever happen, and the relief at knowing that this was going to be a great match. We talked about the IVF clinic in San Francisco, about Brad's hopes to be a stay at home dad, and the new found appreciation the two of them would have in each other as parents.

Here in front of me were two men who were fighting to be dads. They were standing at the brink of a new phase of life, and I enjoyed being slightly removed and noticing them and holding that moment in my mind, because its a beautiful reflection on the day I'm in labor when I see them hold that baby for the first time. Its this beautiful calm before the beautiful storm. The craziness, the chaos, the learning, the crying, both child and father, the love and appreciation, the growth I know Brad and Tomer will have in their love for each other when they see the other as a father, it's just the best.

Surrogacy is such an honor to be able to participate in, and I am just so touched that God put these two men in my life, who will be trusting me with the care of their little one. They get to come to the appointments, and be as involved as they want and I am so excited for this awesome new journey.

(Tomer, Brad, Me, Jason)

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Two Daddies are Better Than None.

I want to address a few things in this post...

First of all, single mamas..you know you are a whole different breed of "bad-@%%" ok? Don't read into the title too much.

Second of all I understand that I will lose some readers because of who I am deciding to carry a baby for on this next journey. I get that.. and it's ok. It's ok because I'm not doing surrogacy for anyone else other than my IPs, and myself.

If all continues to go well, I will be carrying a baby for two of the kindest Gay men. **BOOM** Questions right? Did they flood your mind? I bet I know what they are...

-Is the egg yours??

-Will you be the mother figure??

- How will you explain this to your kids??

-Why would you carry for a gay couple when there are still straight couples who are infertile??

Did I cover them? Ok, no the Egg is not mine. As far as I know (remember I have not signed contracts with this couple yet) the egg is from a donor and not from a family member of the IPs. Will I be the mother figure? No.. I am making a family. Meaning 2 dads and a baby(s?) That's the family. There is no expectation of being a mother figure, because not every family needs a mother. If our relationship evolves into a close friendship and we stay in each other's lives I would be perfectly happy with that, but we take each day as it comes. This family will be lucky enough to have two dads, just like some families are lucky enough to have two moms, and some are lucky enough to have a mom and dad, and some are lucky to have one mom and no dad, and some are lucky to have one dad and no mom! That's the beautiful thing about families, is there IS NO RULE for what makes a family. Think about that. Some families are made up of friends. Some are made up of grandparents and grandkids. There is a book I plan on reading with my kids called "The Family Book" by Todd Parr. I highly recommend it. It explains all the different ways that a family can be, and that it's ok to be different. Its what makes us beautiful and what makes our families beautiful.


When I started out looking into surrogacy I wanted to do it for three reasons. The first was because I had seen a family member struggle with infertility and desperately wanted to help other couples to become parents who were unable to for medical reasons. The second reason is because I have seen how hard it is for Gay couples to adopt, and the hoops they have to go through to get their children, and in some states its not even allowed. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi-sexual, transgender..whatever...if you desire to care for and love your child, you deserve to be a parent. The WORLD NEEDS LOVING PARENTS!! I am tired of seeing news articles about crazy people who have hurt their babies. It makes me so angry, and then I think of all those straight and gay couples who would give almost anything to have a baby and they can't! So I'm here. I'm here, and I'm excited to carry this baby for these men, and to usher in this new chapter of their lives and to see them become daddies! There is nothing that brings me greater joy in my life than to see my acts bring joy to others. That is why I am here, and if this journey offends you because I am choosing to bring a life to this couple, then you are more than welcome to step away from this journey. I am bringing only positive energy and love to this family, and this blog will be emblazoned with it. If you do not support me, I still love you, and we can simply enjoy speaking of other things. If you do support me, welcome to this new and exciting, and very different journey to a family. Enjoy the ride, I know I will.