Wednesday, October 30, 2013

"Preparing the canvas"

My mother is an artist. She has painted on China, in Watercolor, drawn in pencil, in charcoal, and pastels. These are some of my favorite art pieces that she created, and that I own.


As a child, I grew up with her at home (which was a blessing) and she taught China Painting at our house in her art room through the City of Sunnyvale. I was raised with Children's books on Monet, and Renoir. I could look at a painting and say "That's Salvador Dahli." and could describe the technique with which Vincent Van Gough used for his paintings. There were certain phrases that as I child I heard often. "Preparing the canvas" was one of them. My mom was not a huge oil painter, her medium of choice moved with her interests. She enjoyed painting in Watercolor as I journeyed into my early teens. She spent a lot of time "preparing" various canvases, and this morning as I swallowed my Pre-natal vitamin in preparation for becoming pregnant I was reminded of that phrase.

I am, in a way, preparing the canvas for pregnancy. Now I don't mean to infer that as a Pregnant woman I will see myself as some sort of work of Art...that seems rather vain. I intend the phrase to be interpreted as my body will host something beautiful and must be cared for in preparation for that beauty to be at it's best. The beauty being a baby. I have upped my daily glasses of water to hydrate myself better, taking a prenatal vitamin and  have been eating healthier. Not much I can do about the amount of sleep I'm getting with a teething 10 month old, but I think I'll survive.

Next on my surrogacy schedule is wait for my next period. Once my period starts I call the Fertility Clinic and receive all of my medication and instructions. In the mean time, I am continuing to prepare my canvas for pregnancy. I am also very excited to attend the Retreat in Los Angeles coming up. :) It will be fun to meet all the other surrogate mothers and hear from them about their experiences so far.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Here we go!! :)

You know that moment when you're on a roller coaster, all strapped in, and the car slowly tick tick ticks it's way up to the top of the very tall hill? The anticipation as you get higher and higher builds as the car finally levels at the top, almost seeming to stop, before gravity and momentum pulls the car forward and you begin the journey on the rest of the roller coaster.

I am at the top of the hill you guys, about to begin my incredible, fun, and whirlwind of a journey in this surrogacy roller coaster.. I have the final draft of my Surrogacy contract IN HAND, and will be signing it tomorrow with a Notary who is coming to our house to fill out all the paperwork.

My Period started yesterday, so as soon as I turn this paperwork into my attorney I can go get my estrogen pills to begin building the lining of my uterus. Once everything is lined, I will schedule my transfer and a few days before my transfer, begin the Progesterone shots in my hip every day for the next 3 months I believe. (I find out for sure when I get all the medication so I can have a more accurate description of all that when I get it.)

I'm going to get emotional here for a second. (This will happen a lot you guys..) I have dreamed about his journey for a very long time. To be able to help IF (Intended Father) and IM (Intended Mother) is the most incredible blessing. They have told me on several occasions how grateful they are, but I cannot express how grateful I am to THEM! To allow me the honor of helping them to have their first child. Words cannot express the complete and tangible joy that brings to my soul. Their child will forever be a glow around my heart because I will be able to help God to create a family! Their child will be born in their hearts..IS born in their hearts, and has lived there since the day they desired to have him/her. I am just the package their baby will be wrapped in, growing, and getting ready to finally be placed in their arms. It's a strange emotion, a strange feeling, to feel a soul waiting to come to earth, standing in the wings. This is all really happening. Please send your prayers to whichever God you believe in, or if you believe in no God, send positive energy into the world with IF and IM in mind as we get ready for a transfer hopefully in a few weeks! Pray or hope for the embryo to nestle comfortably and healthy for the next 9 months. :)

Monday, October 7, 2013

How to handle "those" comments...

"You're going to carry someone else's baby?? Isn't it going to be difficult to give up the baby?"

"WHY would you be willing to carry a baby for a gay couple when there are plenty of deserving straight couples??"

"Why don't they just adopt?"

"If infertile people can't have babies, maybe it's because God didn't want them to have a child."

Ok.... Now that your blood is boiling...take a minute to breathe. Let it out slowly. If you are a surrogate mother, or planning on becoming one, or even thinking about becoming a surrogate and have talked to people about it, you may have heard any of the above comments in some way shape or form.

Its upsetting. It hurts. You stand there for a minute with your mouth agape and your brain says "Did they REALLY just say that?" If you're anything like me, your first instinct is to try and dismiss what they said. Maybe they didn't mean it to come out as offensive as it did. Perhaps their thoughts were like word-vomit and they just couldn't stop it before they had a chance to think about it's effect on me. Or worse..maybe they did, and they don't care.

I've had a lot of emails from women asking me how I handle these types of comments. I have had time to analyze people and the comments made to me about my upcoming surrogacy and the one thing I have found to be a common factor is that the person with the strongest opinions generally have the least amount of knowledge regarding surrogacy. Part of why I am keeping this blog is to educate those around me as to the process of surrogacy both the medical aspects and the emotional aspects because there is not a lot of literature out there about it. At least not from the intimacy of the woman going through the surrogacy.

The first time someone said to me "I could never give up a baby after carrying it for 9 months..I don't know how you're going to be able to do it." my first thought internally was "Well it's a good thing it's me doing this then, and not you." Obviously I didn't say that out loud because I realized a split second later, that they were just NOW forming their opinion about surrogacy where as I had spent years thinking about it and deciding if I wanted to do it. There was one occasion where I did actually get angry and say something similar to that, but that was after giving this person several chances to redeem themselves. :/ I am no longer friends with that individual, and am happier for it. My advice to the mothers reading this blog who are in surrogacy, or considering it is this... "Opinions change with new information." Take an internal moment after that initial statement to breathe, then educate. Say as much about the process as you are comfortable baring, and your reasons why you want to be a surrogate. Often times the person listening will be taken aback and feel a change in their opinion. They may say "Wow..that's really incredible of you." or...they may not. If they choose either to not listen to you or to not care, distance yourself from that situation. Lord knows if you are already pregnant your hormones are going crazy anyways. Choose love. Love them and allow them to disagree, but that doesn't mean you need to subject yourself to it constantly. I always settle for a pleasant smile and "Ok..thank you for your opinion." and then walk away. Followed by maybe a little zen meditation, or a quick call to my mom to vent. HAHA!

The world is filled with people, each person going through their own struggles, coming from their own upbringing and exposures to life.  Social media has given each one of those person's a microphone with which to shout their opinions at the world. Sometimes it is best to put your speakers on mute, and just let it be.


As a small update on my personal surrogacy, I am still waiting for my contract to be finalized for me to review and sign. :) Love to all of you!