I could barely sleep last night. I was so excited, scared, nervous and anxious all at the same time. Emma has been working to break through three teeth, so add in a fussy 7 month old and it was a very sleepless night. I woke up this morning and already had my thoughts on IF and IM. I knew that IM was going through her own physical trauma as she had her egg retrieval a few days ago. I kept thinking of all the emotions and energy that this couple had invested into having a family, and it brought tears to my eyes every time I thought of it.
My mom got to our house at 4:00 and I was already dressed to go. I had dinners prepped and in the fridge, and Emma and Hunter's schedule written out on a piece of paper. Hunter asked to watch Dinosaurs with Grandma, so I set that up as well. Then Jason and I were out the door and into the truck. Jason and I were chatty on the way to SF, he sang along to country music, making up his own lyrics to try and make me laugh. He could tell I was nervous. We got stuck in traffic at the Bay Bridge and I knew we were going to be late so I texted IF to let him know. He said "No worries at all." So I felt better after that. We got to SF and parked in a parking structure that charged us 30.00!! to park.. holy cow San Francisco... Then we walked down Market Street to the hotel that IF and IM are staying at. The whole way, as I hung on Jason's arm, I observed the people around me. Some were homeless, some were families speaking French and German, some were obviously art students, and I even saw a Marine. I couldn't help but wonder what each person's story was, and what brought them to that exact location at that moment. What would someone think if they knew we were walking down the street headed to meet a couple I might carry a baby for?? What was THEIR story? That thought quickly passed as two men in black suites swiftly opened the hotel doors for us and we walked into the downstairs lobby. Beige carpet led to an elevator that took us to the 5th floor where the main lobby was. I wrung my hands, wondering if they were as nervous as I was to meet them. We stood in the lobby and I texted IF to tell him we were in the lobby, and he walked around the corner to greet us. We all shook hands and then walked into the restaurant to meet IM who stood to greet us as well. It was such a warm reception and the conversation flowed so easily. It felt like I was speaking with friends or family that I have known for a long time.
We talked about living in CA vs. Life in Indonesia, about what jobs we had, about Indonesian food and IM's love for her dogs, and their close relationship with their family. I then began to tell them why I wanted to be a surrogate mother. I instantly felt my throat catch, and my eyes swelled with tears. I told myself not to cry, but as I recounted my early days with Hunter, and holding him as he cried for hours as a new baby and how I KNEW that there were people out there who wanted what I had, even in that moment of frustration, and how I wanted to give that to someone, I couldn't help becoming emotional. I told them how my heart broke when I thought of how hard couples work to have what I had, and how I wanted so much to be able to bring that joy to someone. IM, IF and I cried, and even Jason as he reached over to grab my hand in support had tears in his eyes. IF and IM could not have been a more wonderful couple. I could instantly tell that they will make fantastic parents. I could feel it. I wanted to flash forward the 9 months so that I could see them with their baby right now! I was so excited for them, and for their supportive family who flew out here to be with them. This is the one of the biggest, most exciting things I have done in my life, and I can not wait to share each moment with them.