Our Exploratorium Trip in SF

On March 12th my amazing IF's invited us out to SF for the day where we spent a few hours together at the Exploratorium! We were planning on going to the zoo, but it was raining really hard all day so we switched to a fun indoor activity. Jason, Hunter, Emma and I all bundled up for the cold SF rain and parked on the pier jumping in puddles all the way to the exploratorium.

We were all so happy to see each other in the lobby, hugs all around. First thing I did was have both daddies put their hands on my tummy so they could feel their babies. The babies weren't moving, but if you pushed a little you could feel the lumps of their tiny bodies in my tummy. That was cool for them! Then we walked around playing and learning at all the different centers. It was fun for me to watch my IFs interact and play with my kids. Hunter and Emma loved the exhibits with steam, and the ones they could run in and get really hands on. We had a ton of fun together!

Totally not freaking out..ok maybe a little.

Twins... two babies. Two human children inside me at the same time. *blink blink*

The thought didn't scare me as much when they were the size of raspberries, or plumbs, or....peaches.....oh crap. They're going to be two fully formed and fully to term babies inside my belly at the end of these 40 weeks!!

I get huge with my pregnancies, so I'm honestly a little confused about where this extra child is supposed to fit. I'm already riddled with stretch marks. My belly looks like a white striped tiger from my son's pregnancy so I'm not exactly concerned about how the stretch marks will look. I'm already positive I will get more. I'm more concerned about what it will be like to just exist..on a couch...with TWO BABIES INSIDE ME... Is anyone else having a Peg+Cat moment and "Tooootally freeeaaaking out!!!???"

Ok its ok.. I'm fine. I can do this. My husband tells me all the time, I'm made for baking babies. Its one of the gifts I was given and I am using it for others. I can do this. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't more nervous with this pregnancy than any of my others.

Then the what ifs come.. What if something happened to me and I lost my life? My babies...Emma and Hunter, they would be devastated, and Jason would be raising our family alone.

What if I had to be on bed rest for weeks, or stuck in the hospital? I would be totally dependent on others to help my family with our kids etc.

What if I ended up needing a c-section (which terrifies me btw)...

So many of these fears and worries are new to me with this twin pregnancy. Women die in childbirth. It happens even today.. so the fear (though buried deep in most pregnant women) is still there.

I thought of all of these fears when deciding if I wanted to be a surrogate..when deciding if I was ok with implanting two embryos...I assessed and talked about it all with Jason. I get it. I'm still ready to do this for IF#1 and IF#2 because family is everything. They have become family...and now they will be their very own family. I'm willing to risk all of it, to bring these babies to their daddies.

...just....hold my hand and hug me if I say I'm feeling a little scared ok? If I look like internally I'm starting to scream and freak out. Just say "hey...corinne... you got this." and squeeze me hard...but not too hard because I barely have breathing room as it is. ;)

Its Twins!!

At 3 days past my transfer I took an at home pregnancy test and it read as positive! I was so excited. With my last surrogacy I didn't get a positive home pregnancy test until 10 days after my transfer so I KNEW it was going to be multiples. At 10 days after my 5 day transfer I had my first Beta HCG test and my numbers were high!! 3,564!!

Second HCG Beta a week later was 24,788!! Then I started to worry about the possibility of triplets. Last week I went in for my ultrasound and I am excited to announce that both embryos took!! I am going to be having Boy/girl twins for my IPs!!

Both IFs are super excited, and IF#1 has come to every appointment with me to see the babies. Its so nice having local IPs this time around because they really get to be there for as much as they want! I'm being seen at Stanford which is really awesome since my family is a Stanford family. I was seen at Stanford for my very first pregnancy, so it's nice to be back and in such wonderful care. I have another ultrasound next Thursday and my first regular OB visit on the 19th of Feb. So things are looking great!

Morning sickness is mostly better now, I'm just trying to focus on my weight gain. I went from weighing 135 before transfer to 148, so I need to start doing some prenatal yoga or other exercise to maintain my strength and fitness.

Thats the update for now! I will upload a video of the ultrasound next week! :)

Two buns!?! The Transfer

At 5am Sunday morning my alarm went off. I have it set to this beautifully calming piano music, so when it seeped into my unconscious mind, my awakening was less a startled on, and more a gentle awareness. I dressed, crept into my kids's room and kissed them each goodbye while they slept, and then said goodbye to my husband. I used my Uber app to call a ride, and waited. In the dark and cold rain, I pulled my luggage out to his white mercedes that waited for me. He was a shorter man, of darker complexion, and he had the biggest smile on his face. "Good morning!" This man had obviously had his coffee already. I smiled and climbed into his back seat and we drove down the road. "So you're headed to SFO, holiday vacation?" Here came the moment where I had to ask myself, "Do I tell this stranger where I'm actually going? Or do I reserve the information for myself?" I can generally tell by a person's demeanor how well the truth in this case will be received and I decided to be honest. I said "Well actually I'm on my way to San Diego because I'm going to be a surrogate mother and carry a baby for two amazing men." The driver looked at me through the rearview, and I could hear him audibly get choked up. He just kept saying "Wow.. I just...wow thats amazing. Wow." I smiled, and watched out the window as we drove down Hwy 101, the rain was getting harder. "My wife and I tried for 13 years to get pregnant.." he said. I was floored. I turned back to him and listened as he unfolded his tender story of infertility with his wife, and the adoption of his girls, and the miracle baby that God surprised them with 6 years ago. I couldn't believe it. Sitting in my Uber car, on my way to be a surrogate again, was another couple who had faced the difficult battle of infertility. I was covered in goosebumps as he continued to praise my sacrifice, and how moved he was that I would do something such as this for anyone. I'll tell you right then and there, the spirit was in that car. It was as if God were next to me squeezing my hands saying "Hunny this is exactly the right thing.. you are exactly where I want you to be and I'm proud of you." It was all I could do to not well up in tears at this God-wink moment. We pulled up at the airport and said our goodbyes, and the Uber driver told me I would be in his prayers tonight with his family. I checked my bags, boarded my plane, and watched the morning sunrise from above stormy clouds..

When I landed, I walked to the Uber pick up zone and waited for my ride who was to take me to my pre-transfer ultrasound. As usually happens in a cab or Uber, he asked where I was going, again faced with that "Do I tell?" moment, I chose again to be honest. The driver again was floored, and told me that his ex wife and he wanted children, but because of physical limitation on her, she wasn't able to ever carry a baby. He told me he was honored to be driving me to my appointment. I again couldn't believe that God had placed someone else in my path that assured me yet again how what I was doing was exactly what I was called to do. There is something so peaceful and beautiful in knowing that what you're doing is right, and good. It felt like the happiest day of my life, and I walked into Dr. Smotrich's office, luggage in hand, and sat in the ultrasound room for my check. There...on the wall of his office was something incredible....

After Alaya was born, I got a tattoo. This tattoo was a symbol of my life and journey, and is a vine of morning glories, and jazmine winding up my back. Morning glories because they grew outside of my window as a child, one flower for my husband, and one for each of my children. The jasmine flowers are Indonesia's national flower, so I got them in representation of my last surrogacy. One flower for each member of my last IP's family. Here, in the office of Dr. Smotrich, painted on the wall..was my tattoo..

I couldn't believe it..I laughed out loud.

My lining was a 14mm thickness, they usually look for 8. I was ready to go. That night at about 10pm, my IF#1 for to our hotel and came to my room. He hugged me, and gave me gifts for our night before transfer. A necklace that represented me, and the two little embryos they would impact the next morning, and a gorgeous bracelet made of black leather and gold. Candied bacon, cookies, and christmas ornaments all from local shops near their vacation home. They were all incredibly thoughtful gifts and I chose to wear the necklace and bracelet the next morning for good luck.

Transfer day

I ate my breakfast in my room, dressed, put my makeup on, looked at myself in the mirror and smiled to myself. This was it. The day my IFs had waited for. I was so excited I was almost shaky. I met IF at his room, and we drove to the appointment where we met Holly from SAI my agency in the lobby. She handed me a gift bag with snacks and a journal for keeping track of my journey, and the good luck transfer monkey toy. A nurse soon came out to get me and I signed some paperwork mainly stating that I consented to the procedure, before taking a vallium and undressing from the waist down and wearing a gown and hair net. I laid on the table with a warm blanket and socks on while the nurse brought in my IF. He sat up by my head while the nurse prepped me and Dr. Smotrich came in and showed us the photo of both embryos. Then he inserted the speculum, and catheter into my uterus through my cervix. IF#2 joined us on FaceTime and watched with IF#1 as both their little babies, one boy and one girl, were placed snuggly into my uterus. Then the catheter was removed and I was instructed to lay there for 30 mins.

After the little babies were settled, Dr. Smotrich placed his hands on my belly and offered a beautiful blessing. The room was emotional and we were all struck at the beauty and gravity of that moment. It was truly God in that room with us, and I could feel the love surrounding these babies entirely. What a beautiful story they will hear, that they were placed into a warm womb and wrapped in total love. 

Ive been on bed rest for 2 days now. My IF has taken such incredible care of me, bringing me food, making sure my room is tidy, and beating me at UNO 8 times out of 10. ;) He's pretty brutal when it comes to UNO folks..do not be fooled by his charming sweetness. ;) hehe The lovely Ann Miranda from SAI has driven to my hotel every night to give me my Progesterone shots!! This woman is an angel people, she is so amazing and I wish I lived closer to her because we would probably hang out a lot. So the only thing I notice today is being very tired, and extremely thirsty. I've had so much water it's insane. I keep drinking bottle after bottle of it, and it's still not enough. I'm hoping these are all good signs. Tomorrow is my last day of bed rest, and IF#1 leaves on his flight tomorrow, but my older brother is coming to visit me so I'm excited to see him! 

This journey is off to an amazing start, filled with love, and blessings and hope. I couldn't ask for a more amazing agency, IPs, family, friends. Everyone who has said prayers for these babies, the loved ones who are helping my husband as he cares for our children without me there, all of it. Thank you.

Pre-heating the oven..so to speak

Well here we are.. 3 days away from the transfer! I have been terrible with keeping this blog updated as we recently moved into a new house and life got hectic (as it usually does.)

I fly to San Diego super early this Sunday morning and head to an ultrasound at 10am, then I check into my hotel and prepare for the following three days of strict bed-rest. I am only allowed up to use the restroom. No shower. (yuck!)

My medications are in full swing. I take Prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin, doxycycline, prednisone in the morning, and Progesterone pills, another Doxycycline, and a shot in the upper hip area of Progesterone. Also a shot every monday and Thursday of Delestrogen. The shots are beginning to really hurt. Especially the progesterone oil. I had to walk around my kitchen mumbling expletives after tonight's round of 2 shots. One in each hip. I am now sitting on a heating pad to hopefully help.

I forgot how exciting yet stressful this time is for me, granted there is not the same pressure as last time I did this. My previous IPs that I carried for only had 1 healthy embryo! So far my guys have about 24 to choose from, though that number may drop as we get closer to the transfer date. I'm so excited for them. IF#1 is going to stay at my hotel with me (in a separate room...we're close, but we're not "Corinne's morning face" close...yet. hehe I guess we'll be "Here's my vagina and your kid"close in about 9 months eh?)

I will update again from my bed in the hotel..lord knows I'll have little else to do. ;)

Labor Day fun with my IFs!

This past Labor Day weekend we invited my IFs over for a BBQ dinner to meet our kids and to continue to get to know one another. It was warm, and I prepared a Flank steak marinated in Balsamic vinegar, honey, and pepper, a salad and roasted rainbow carrots and beets. My kids stood excitedly at the front window looking out for the guys and started jumping up and down when they saw them walking up the walkway. Hunter opened the front door and hid behind Daddy with a huge smile on his face. We all exchanged hugs and IF1 handed us a huge box of cupcakes they picked up from a bakery near their house in SF. IF2 had 2 bottles of wine and one of them was from a winery near their home.

We all stepped into the back yard and chatted while I waited for the vegetables to finish roasting in the oven, and for my Step Dad to finish with the steaks on the grill. It was a warm evening filled with smells of hot bbq, and laughter as my daughter suddenly realized she was the center of attention and began performing for our guests.

We ate our meal and talked about Wyoming, and city life. We talked about what it's like in Kindergarten and school today as opposed to when they were in school. We laughed and Hunter brought IF1 into his room to show him all of his beanie babies that IF1 gave him at our last night out. Hunter sleeps in them like a nest. We put Emma to sleep and she kissed everyone goodnight. It was so fun to see the guys with my kids. Hunter started playing "telephone" with IF1 using glow in the dark bracelets and we all thought it was super cute.

I am waiting now for my medical appointment in San Diego where I will go down for blood tests and exam to be cleared to begin contracts. I'm so excited!!!!!! Things are getting real. The egg donor is picked and we are ready to bake this adorable little cupcake! hehe.

***Follow me in this journey on Instagram at @misscorinne86 ***

Its a match!!

Yesterday was an exciting day, but it started pretty normally. I woke up and knocked over my coffee maker, spilling grounds and water all over my parent's kitchen. That took me about 45 minutes to clean up and I'm still finding grounds this morning. Then I wiped some boogers from sick little noses and ran to unload some more of our stuff at the storage facility down the road. I sat in the car waiting for my husband to pull up in his truck, and thought about how this exact weekend 2 years ago I met my first set of IPs. I took a photo is my nervous face before leaving to go meet them, so I decided to take another similar photo.

I wondered, "Were they as nervous as I was? Are they excited?" I drove back home and changed my clothes into a black and white dress. "Do I look like I had 3 kids? Is that something they even care about..how I look in a dress?" Then the thoughts only a surrogate has ever had start popping into my mind.. thoughts like "Oh Hi..nice to meet you both..may I carry your baby in my uterus for you?" Like seriously...who thinks that? Surrogates. Thats who. 

We went to a restaurant in Sunnyvale called Faz. Its actually the restaurant my parents were married at..you could even see the garden from our table. I was calm the whole ride there..but as I sat at the table I subconsciously began twisting my hands and fingers. I said to Jason "I think I'm starting to get nervous now." and he laughed and said "I noticed..your starting to fidget." I debated a glass of wine, but I could feel a headache coming on and knew a glass would throw me over the edge and into the land of head pain. Then as I looked at Jason, he said "I think that's them...yup" and I had a second where I prepared to turn my head and look. One of those moments where you know everything is about to change. And there they were..walking towards me with smiles on their faces. It was like everyone in the restaurant disappeared into gray and they were two pillars of color. I broke into a huge smile and knew this was going to be great. We ordered our food, and talked about so many things. How they both grew up in the midwest the same as my husband and I was pleasantly surprised that my Jason talked about as much as I did the whole dinner! They had a lot in common being midwest boys living in CA. ;) 

We talked about my last surrogacy, about breast feeding, about family, and travel. It was an easy flowing conversation filled with laughter. I was relaxing with each minute. 

We are all hoping to get together again soon, this time in San Francisco. I can't wait to see them again, and I can see this being another amazing journey.

(Jason, Me, IF#1, IF#2)