The coils are OUT!!

*Forgive me if this blog post seems a tad scatter brained as I am writing it while on pain medication.*

On April 13th Jason and I flew to Los Angeles CA for my Essure removal surgery. My best friend Reshea flew out from Arizona to watch my kids for me. I spent the day before we left organizing as much of the kid's stuff as I could so that Reshea wouldn't have to search high and low for things as she needed them, but Emma is 2, and wanders off with everything so I don't know why I bothered. Haha. We got to the airport and our flight was delayed an hour which didn't really bother me because I didn't have little kids to entertain, and I just settled my head in on Jason's shoulder and waited. Our flight was quick, and the car to our hotel was smooth. I highly recommend Blacklane as a company to transport you to your hotel. Cheaper than a taxi and nicer than one too.

We had my pre-op appointment at 2:30. I met with Dr. Saadat at the Reproductive Fertility center in Beverly Hills. The office was extremely nice, and clean, up to date and the staff were so kind. He met with me, went over all my paperwork and my medical files from my Essure placement. Then he did an ultrasound and we got everything ready for the next day's surgery. My surgery was moved up to 6am. The first surgery of the day! We got to the Surgical center and filled out some more paperwork before I headed back to change into a gown and socks and a pretty little hair net. (Not cute.) Then I sat in the bed while the anesthesiologist met with me. He was very patient, and explained the entire process in great detail before I walked back to the procedure room. I lay down and he gave me a small amount and asked me how I felt. I said I felt slightly drunk, then he gave some more and I could barely keep my eyes open, so he gave some more and I was OUT! It felt like I slept a really good sleep. When I woke up I could immediately tell that my back pain which was constant, was gone. I couldn't believe it. I didn't feel nauseated, but I did feel tired, and a little dizzy. Dr. Saadat came to talk to me and told me that everything came out perfectly!!! My uterus is totally perfect and without any scarring, I can be a surrogate again! He tied my tubes traditionally and everything went without a hitch. I even have the cup of my coils. Those things look brutal.

I came back to my hotel room, and my husband Jason took amazing care of me. It is truly therapeutic for a marriage to go through something like this together. It gave me a greater appreciation for my husband and it was touching to have his gentle care of me.

My best friend since 1st grade Jeffrey came by to visit me since he only lives about 45 mins away from my hotel. He spent both days with me, and brought me a yummy Starbucks. It was so nice to visit and catch up with him.

I am home now and recovering nicely. I can't believe it but even two days after surgery I can see a difference in my belly. I am no longer swollen to the point of looking pregnant. I have been urinating like crazy and I think it's because I am loosing all of the swelling and water weight I was holding onto with the Essure in.

Me the day before surgery, and two days after surgery.

I am beyond grateful to all of my friends and family who donated to my go fund me account to have these removed. I honestly could NOT have afforded this without you all. YOU saved me..and you can count yourselves among the many who work to help create families. Because of YOU I can now help create another baby for a deserving family. And for that I thank you from the very bottom of my heart. Words can honestly not express enough how grateful I am to you all who helped. Thank you.

The plan is to take a few months to heal. We are waiting to find out where Jason's upcoming career will take us, and when we get settled I will be matched again! I can't wait. :)

When one door closes...kick it open!!

Where do I begin... This week has been an intense roller coaster of emotions for me. On Monday a woman who has become my dear friend at SAI had to call and deliver some not so fabulous news to me. The clinic in San Francisco that my IFs work with denied me as a suitable surrogate based on the fact that I had the Essure coils in my fallopian tubes. The procedure was done in November and was the means by which I decided to have my "tubes tied." I was assured multiple times and even in writing by my Dr. that I would still be able to carry a baby as a surrogate after the procedure. I decided to go ahead with the Essure, and now have learned that the Essure is the sole thing preventing me from being a surrogate again.

When Ann called me, I broke down. I fell to the kitchen floor and bawled. I cried for my IFs, I cried for my previous IPs who might have wanted me to carry a second child for them in the future, and I cried for myself. The one thing I wanted out of this whole few months of pain and recovery from the procedure was now ripped from me. I felt violated. I felt lied to. I was angry, and heart broken. My son hugged me when he saw me crying in the kitchen and asked why I was so upset. I told him "It's because someone lied to mommy and it hurts when you find out someone said something that turns out to not be true." He hugged me tighter. He asked me to help him find his hammer, and I was still in a state of shock, but I got up and started looking for his toy hammer for him. All I kept thinking was "I need to find his hammer..thank God I have something else to focus on." and I remember feeling sad when I found it, because now I needed to find something else to keep my mind busy. The entire day was filled with crying and numbness....and then the love poured in. Boy did it pour in... I started getting texts, emails, messages on FB, comments, calls from people who loved me and who had armed themselves with solutions. I couldn't believe it.

One of the places suggested to me was a surgeon in North Carolina who was skilled at removing the Essure coils!! This friend had a sister in law that went there and even had a successful pregnancy after her coils were removed! It felt as if a ray of light seared its way into my darkness and said "Get up..this isn't over." I started doing research, hundreds upon hundreds of cases where Essure malfunctioned, or caused permanent damage. I knew these things and to come out. I wouldn't feel safe carrying a baby for someone else with these things in... I only wish my Dr. had discussed these very serious risks with me beforehand.

I spoke on the phone with my IFs and it was an emotional conversation. I don't know when I can be scheduled for this surgery, and I have a feeling they will need to find a different surrogate as I also don't have a gaurantee that the surgery will be successful and I can't ask them to wait an indefinite amount of time.

The good news is that my IFs can still become parents, and I will (after this surgery, and if successful) be able to carry a baby as a surrogate again!!! An angel who shall remain anonymous has stepped in to help and is paying for my surgery!! I now need to come up with the money for my flights and Hotel stay. Please, if you feel compelled, the link to donate is below. Know that your prayers for me mean just as much if not more than your monetary support. I will keep you all updated as this continues.. My love to you all. I'm not done yet..

Here is the link to my gofundme page...
http://www.gofundme.com/p4wpi0

The Start of Something Wonderful...

Today my IFs came to our house for a visit! This was my idea for a couple reasons, the first being that it was important to me that they see our home. I know that if I were an IP (Intended Parent) I would want to see that the person that was going to carry my baby wasn't a hoarder, or living in their own filth or some other horrific situation that might affect the health of my baby. I also wanted them to meet my kids, and I knew my kids would be most comfortable here in our home, and then the final reason of course was that they were just so awesome I couldn't wait to see them again and learn more about them.

Emma and Hunter sat on the couch, leaning out the opened window when Brad and Tomer pulled up. Hunter had spent the last 5 minutes yelling out our window "Brandon and Tomer where areeee youuu??" For some reason Hunter's having a hard time saying "Brad." We'll work on it. ;) The kids got so excited when we saw them walking up the drive way! I let them in, and graciously accepted the still warm Pecan Pie that Brad extended to me. Yummmmmm. I couldn't wait to cut into it. He said his Southern upbringing prohibited him from visiting a house without baked goods. Haha! We sliced into it right away and poured our coffees and settled on the sofas in my living room. The kids were each given a gift from Brad and Tomer! It was so sweet of them to bring something for the kids. Hunter wanted to play with his toy cars right away, and Brad showed Emma how to make the spiky hair on her toy's head stand up straight and silly. We spent the next 2 and a half hours talking about all kinds of things, from our families, to our heritage, possibilities of birth photography and baby blogs with their ever changing "guaranteed to work for your child" philosophies.

We opened my scrap book and looked at the photos from my previous surrogacy, and Hunter came over to sit on my lap. I took the gravity of the moment and said "Hey Hunter do you remember when IM and IF let me watch their baby in my tummy so she could grow big and strong? And then I gave her back to her mommy and daddy when she was done growing? Do you remember that?" He nodded and Brad and Tomer smiled, "Well these daddies right here are going to let the Dr put their baby in my tummy so I can help it to grow big and strong too, and then their baby can go home with them isn't that neat?" Hunter nodded and said "Ya!" and smiled at Brad and Tomer before running off again.

Have you ever met people that you just feel comfortable with? Where the conversation flows easily, and you could go on and on just enjoying each other's company? I'm so happy today. I'm so filled with Joy and excitement for these men and where their lives are about to go. I can't wait to finish all my med screens so I can sign contracts and get started on prepping for a transfer!! Being a surrogate is honestly the biggest privilege. I'm so honored.


p.s. we were having SUCH a good time that I completely forgot to take pictures of us together. HA! The photographer forgot to take pics... ironic.

 The Pie!!

 Coffee

 One of Hunter's cars he got from Brad and Tomer!

 Flowers I bought to liven up my kitchen

 Emma's little furry toy she named "Emma".

Me  :)

Meeting my new IFs (Intended Fathers)

I forgot about this feeling. I forgot how incredibly nervous and on edge I felt with my first surrogacy when I was on my way to meet my IPs (Intended Parents.) Jason and I asked my friend Nicole to watch our kids, and I changed from my skirt to pants at the last second before heading to the truck. We were meeting at Starbucks, about a mile from our house. Of course we were 15 minutes early. Thats a habit this Marine and his wife haven't kicked yet (at least when we don't have our kids in tow.) I ordered a drink and found a nice table outside. It was about 72 degrees and sunny, a beautiful day. Jason and I chatted and I sent a text to Brad and Tomer saying "We are here, but we are early so no rush." and they walked around the corner 2 minutes later.

We were all instant smiles, I stood to go hug Brad first and he is so tall! I gave Tomer a hug and asked the guys if they wanted to get their drinks and then sit with us. They went inside and after ordering and walking out with their drinks we all sat together and the conversation started. We talked about family, nieces and nephews, parents, where we all grew up, how we met our spouses. Then we had true conversation. The real stuff, under all the fluff. What they went through to finally reach surrogacy to help them become dads, the risks they had to weigh with adoption, the search for the right Surrogate mother, the defeat of wondering if the match would ever happen, and the relief at knowing that this was going to be a great match. We talked about the IVF clinic in San Francisco, about Brad's hopes to be a stay at home dad, and the new found appreciation the two of them would have in each other as parents.

Here in front of me were two men who were fighting to be dads. They were standing at the brink of a new phase of life, and I enjoyed being slightly removed and noticing them and holding that moment in my mind, because its a beautiful reflection on the day I'm in labor when I see them hold that baby for the first time. Its this beautiful calm before the beautiful storm. The craziness, the chaos, the learning, the crying, both child and father, the love and appreciation, the growth I know Brad and Tomer will have in their love for each other when they see the other as a father, it's just the best.

Surrogacy is such an honor to be able to participate in, and I am just so touched that God put these two men in my life, who will be trusting me with the care of their little one. They get to come to the appointments, and be as involved as they want and I am so excited for this awesome new journey.

(Tomer, Brad, Me, Jason)

Two Daddies are Better Than None.

I want to address a few things in this post...

First of all, single mamas..you know you are a whole different breed of "bad-@%%" ok? Don't read into the title too much.

Second of all I understand that I will lose some readers because of who I am deciding to carry a baby for on this next journey. I get that.. and it's ok. It's ok because I'm not doing surrogacy for anyone else other than my IPs, and myself.

If all continues to go well, I will be carrying a baby for two of the kindest Gay men. **BOOM** Questions right? Did they flood your mind? I bet I know what they are...

-Is the egg yours??

-Will you be the mother figure??

- How will you explain this to your kids??

-Why would you carry for a gay couple when there are still straight couples who are infertile??

Did I cover them? Ok, no the Egg is not mine. As far as I know (remember I have not signed contracts with this couple yet) the egg is from a donor and not from a family member of the IPs. Will I be the mother figure? No.. I am making a family. Meaning 2 dads and a baby(s?) That's the family. There is no expectation of being a mother figure, because not every family needs a mother. If our relationship evolves into a close friendship and we stay in each other's lives I would be perfectly happy with that, but we take each day as it comes. This family will be lucky enough to have two dads, just like some families are lucky enough to have two moms, and some are lucky enough to have a mom and dad, and some are lucky to have one mom and no dad, and some are lucky to have one dad and no mom! That's the beautiful thing about families, is there IS NO RULE for what makes a family. Think about that. Some families are made up of friends. Some are made up of grandparents and grandkids. There is a book I plan on reading with my kids called "The Family Book" by Todd Parr. I highly recommend it. It explains all the different ways that a family can be, and that it's ok to be different. Its what makes us beautiful and what makes our families beautiful.

When I started out looking into surrogacy I wanted to do it for three reasons. The first was because I had seen a family member struggle with infertility and desperately wanted to help other couples to become parents who were unable to for medical reasons. The second reason is because I have seen how hard it is for Gay couples to adopt, and the hoops they have to go through to get their children, and in some states its not even allowed. I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi-sexual, transgender..whatever...if you desire to care for and love your child, you deserve to be a parent. The WORLD NEEDS LOVING PARENTS!! I am tired of seeing news articles about crazy people who have hurt their babies. It makes me so angry, and then I think of all those straight and gay couples who would give almost anything to have a baby and they can't! So I'm here. I'm here, and I'm excited to carry this baby for these men, and to usher in this new chapter of their lives and to see them become daddies! There is nothing that brings me greater joy in my life than to see my acts bring joy to others. That is why I am here, and if this journey offends you because I am choosing to bring a life to this couple, then you are more than welcome to step away from this journey. I am bringing only positive energy and love to this family, and this blog will be emblazoned with it. If you do not support me, I still love you, and we can simply enjoy speaking of other things. If you do support me, welcome to this new and exciting, and very different journey to a family. Enjoy the ride, I know I will.

I am just the messenger... again. :)

Yes.. I realize I had a baby 6 months ago, but sometimes God puts things in motion in your life that you just can't ignore.

 Today I got the profile of a couple (no details obviously because I haven't met them yet or talked to them about this blog...) and as I read their information and saw their photos and the reasons they wanted to be parents I was covered in goosebumps. This journey will be ENTIRELY different. Like...really different and I'm super excited.

THIS brings me joy people. Helping others to become parents. I can't describe it any other way than it's a "calling." My Dr. says I am perfectly healthy and ready to carry a baby again if I wish. I hopefully get to meet these new IPs sometime in the next few weeks, and if we like each other we move to the next step.

I wrote a blog post for SAI (My agency) about meeting potential IPs and surrogates and if you'd like to read it you can see it here.

My last IPs are so happy with little Alaya!! I love seeing that they are a family now, and I am updated on their lives every now and then. Its just perfect. They head back to Indonesia soon and I am ready and willing to help them again in the future if they ever want to try for another baby!

Life is really amazing..and while some will read this post and think "She's crazy for wanting to do this again so soon," I just hope they also understand that what I feel and receive as inspiration for my choices are my own. Its not for them to understand. It makes sense to me, and to my husband and family, and that's all that matters to us. I look forward to documenting this new journey!!!!!

(My face when I think "Ahhh I'm doing this again!!")

...And they lived happily ever after.

On November 3rd my Husband, kids, mother, step-father, and mother in law all came with me on a three day Disneyland trip! It was my "Happy Ending" to this surrogacy. For me it was important to have a celebration with my family, something to look forward to since we didn't have a baby to take home.

We flew into Santa Ana Airport and boarded a huge bus with Mater and Lightning McQueen on the side. My kids were already beginning to get super excited at the prospect of meeting Mickey and Minnie, the bus just intensified it all. We arrived at our hotel, The Grand Californian and checked in on the 6th floor since we had the concierge service rooms. Our two bedrooms were secluded and connected so we could open our conjoining door and send my kids in to wake up the grandparents at 7:30am. Joke was on them though, Grandma and Grandpa were already up and dressed that first day to go have breakfast at Goofy's Kitchen. We were led to our seats and I loaded up a plate of goodies for my kids and got back in time to see Dale from Chip & Dale arrive at our table. Hunter was ecstatic. I cried while I watched my son's huge smiling face laugh at the chipmunk and give him a hug and high five. I wonder if the people who play those characters realize what a huge impact they have on children. That morning Dale, Daisy, Minnie, and Goofy came to see us! Hunter and Emma had such an amazing time, I even had to chase Emma down because she started to follow Minnie around.

We spent the first day at Disneyland and the second at California Adventure. I even got to see my IM!! She or her driver came each morning to the Hotel to pick up the milk I pumped so I didn't have to worry about storing it. I was able to give her a big hug and chat in the lobby for a while. I also met IF's mom and was able to see his dad again! They were in town visiting Alaya for the first time.

We had such an amazing trip, and I was so happy my mother in law was able to join us as well. It was truly a once in a lifetime experience.

and now the question everyone has been asking me.. "Will you do surrogacy again?" and the answer is ABSOLUTELY!! Even my husband says I should do it again. I'm so happy he's supportive of it, haha even though I am not ready just yet. I have to wait until at least June. there is a 9 month waiting period to heal, I will be taking a little more time than that, but remaining in contact with my agency because I do plan to do it again.

If you wish to follow my family's story in the meantime I keep a personal blog separately from this surrogacy one at http://theoestreichs.blogspot.com

My next post will be around Christmas time when IM IF and baby Alaya come for a visit! :)