Monday, June 26, 2017

The breath before the plunge.

Have you ever stood at the edge of a large rock, with the intent of jumping into a lake? Or perhaps the edge of a pool, or on a cliff above a swimming hole? Wherever you jumped from, do you recall the moment before you leapt?

I can imagine the pause before the plunge. My toes moving slightly in the dust of the rock beneath me, my eyes surveying the large body of water and people near me before I took that final deep breath and leapt into the air, physically and metaphorically giving up control of what happens next, and relying entirely on the laws of gravity and the protection of a creator to guide me to safety.

I always imagine the time before I am matched with a new couple like this. My paperwork is all now fully submitted, and today was when I was notified that my profile was now considered active to receive matches. This moment for me is such a positive and fun exercise in faith. I have no idea who will be sent to me, and that idea is somewhat thrilling! I really aim to open myself up completely to Creator in these moments and allow him to use me entirely for whomever he knows needs my help. It's a feeling that's hard to describe. I've learned how to understand God's methods of communication with me. I felt it when I read my first set of IP's profile..and again when I read the profile for my last IFs. It's this overwhelming and undeniable feeling of "YES." and now I know how to hear it.

So today is day 1! Any day now I can find out that there is a couple interested in asking me for assistance. I love it, and I have grown to enjoy the uncertainty. Looking back on my past posts I always talk about how hard this part is. It's interesting to see how my view of this transition point has changed since 2013. I can't believe I've been doing surrogacy for 4 years...3 babies. This is such a blessing. I can't wait!!

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