Thursday, August 21, 2014

Recovery and Reflection

Today I am 5 days post partum and I can honestly say that I am feeling amazing! I know a lot of my friends and family have asked how I'm feeling and I know they mean physically as well as emotionally. I am so pleased to honestly say that I am feeling exactly as I hoped I would. I feel peaceful, complete. The birth and delivery of Alaya to her parents was exactly what I hoped it would be and I feel as if I lived through a real life happy ending. When I held Alaya it was very surreal. I felt absolutely no maternal connection to her whatsoever and that really surprised me. I was prepared to feel some, but I honestly felt more pleasure seeing my IM holding her baby that I did holding her myself. I guess that means I really am meant to be a surrogate! If I miss anyone, it's my IPs. Haha we all became so close during this journey and now they are home in LA and living as a family. They feel closer than friends, they feel like family. They showered my children with love, and lovingly shared their daughter with my children, allowing Hunter to hold her in the hospital room. Hunter hasn't questioned where the baby went because he knows. He saw Alaya with her mommy and daddy and his image of their family is complete now.

I came home on Monday afternoon and my husband (or should I call him superman ) has done everything with our children this whole week. I have been able to rest, and nap, and really recover. Its incredible. I'm finally feeling well enough to do a little bit more walking. We went to Target yesterday so I could buy some new bras, and that was about as much as I could handle. I started to feel dizzy and exhausted, and he took us home and had me nap. My bleeding is almost stopped now, but my hips and tail bone are still quite sore from pushing as well as the baby being stuck behind my tailbone for a while. I think I expected to be completely better and recovered after 3 days...but no.. pushing a tiny human out of your body really is a huge deal and takes a while to recover from.

I'm pumping right now, every 2-3 hours depending on if I am napping or how sore I am. I have a nice stock pile of milk ready in the freezer to ship to my IPs this coming monday. I'm so excited to be able to provide this for them. :)

One thing I noticed with surrogacy at least in my case, is that people are less likely to visit you in your home or bring by dinners etc I think because there is no baby here. That's fine with me, we got some freezer meals before I delivered because we kind of expected that the after environment would be different. My Mom, step dad, dad, and grandparents visited me in the hospital which was exactly what I needed. I was happy to not be swamped with visitors because it allowed me to sleep almost the whole day. It was great. :) If you are a surrogate and getting ready to deliver, just prepare yourself that the time afterwards when you are home will be calmer, and different. I have also been asked if I would ever consider being a surrogate again. Here is my 2 part answer..

1) If I did decide to become a surrogate again for a couple, it wouldn't be for a few years. The most difficult part of this surrogacy was having young children who still needed me quite often and through the night. It was physically draining for me at times.

2) This experience with my IPs was so wonderful and amazing that I have real hesitation to every do it again. I ended the experience on such a high note, that I doubt I could ever find another couple and situation that worked so perfectly together again. Maybe God had me become a surrogate solely so that I could help this couple..maybe God has another couple waiting for me in a few years that I will be so moved to help again. I dont know. But I do know that this was such a positive and perfect time that I dont see how it could every be this wonderful again. :) But we shall see...

This Friday is Jason and my 5 year anniversary and I am very excited to go to dinner at the Leatherneck Steakhouse in SF. It will be a marvelous reason to dress up, do my hair, and enjoy a glass of wine after almost a year of no drinking.

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