Estradiol...its a love/hate kinda thing.

So I have been on Estradiol for about 8 days now, and man has it been a ride. I take Estradiol via oral pill 3 times daily. I had a feeling I would get some of the symptoms, but I had no idea how much I would be affected by it.

Highly Emotional: I cry at the weirdest things. The other day I cried while watching The Brave Little Toaster...uhhh hello..weirdest movie ever and there I was sobbing. Then I had a full on ugly cry break down at Choir practice last Thursday when we sang this song... Just read it and listen to the video below and TRY not to bawl...

 "The hands that first held Mary's child,Were hard from working wood. From boards they sawed and nailed and filed And splinters they withstood .
This day they gripped no tool of steel. They drove no iron nail, But cradled from the head to heel
Our Lord, newborn and frail. When Joseph marvelled at the size of that small breathing frame, And gazed upon those bright new eyes and spoke the infant's name.
The angel's voice he once had dreamed poured out from heaven's height, And like the host of stars that gleamed Blessed earth with welcome light.
This Child will be Emmanuel, Not God upon a throne But God-with-us, Emmanuel As close as blood and bone. The tiny form in Joseph's palms Confirmed what he had heard And from his heart rose hymns and psalms For heaven's human Word.
 The tools that Joseph laid aside a mob would later lift and use with anger, fear and pride to crucify God's gift. Let us, O Lord, not only hold The Child who's born today But charged with faith, may we behold to follow in His way."

The choir finished practicing the song, and I reached to grab the tissues that poor Caity beside me in the soprano section was handing me. My aunt the choir director quickly explained that the reason i was uncontrollably sobbing was because of the medication I was taking to prepare for pregnancy, and I in between sobs apologized to everyone. It was like i was watching myself cry thinking "Omg Corinne you can stop any time now.." but the tears just kept coming.

Abdominal Pain/Cramping: This is not something I was expecting. I'm experiencing a lot of abdominal pain, as if I were going to start my period. Its the same kind of cramping I feel at the first few months of pregnancy, not painful enough to make me feel like I'm going to start a period, but enough that I can tell something is changing in there. I think it's just the lining of my uterus getting nice and thick for my Nov 29th ultrasound!! I'm telling myself that anyways.

Weight Gain: My abdominal area is bloated. I look pregnant. I guess this happens a lot with this medication, weight gain in the abdominal area. Well.....it was going to happen anyways right?

Nausea: The first few days on this pill were rough. If I dont eat something when I take this pill I get really sick to my stomach. The other day I took it on an empty stomach and started to feed my daughter her breakfast. I suddenly realized that if I didnt get something into my stomach asap I was going to vomit. I said very calmly to my husband... "Please pour me a bowl of anything so I can eat within the next 3 seconds or I will throw up." He rushed around the kitchen and I shoveled Life cereal crumbs and milk into my mouth...thank god.

Oh...did I mention the constant crying? I think my family has a game going to see who can make Corinne cry the hardest. My birthday was yesterday and my Grandma Pat surprised me with a Dragon quilted wall hanging that she had made for a church silent auction that I wanted, but was sold to some woman I had never heard of.. (little did I know that Chery Woo did not exist!!) I pulled it out and said "This is the hanging that I wanted for Hunter's room!!" and started crying.... THEN I opened a gift from my aunt and pulled out matching mother daughter aprons from the same auction that I had wanted as well. TEARS people....tears.

Then I came home to find the most gorgeous Orchid plant on my doorstep that my IPs (Intended Parents) sent me for my birthday!!!!! I cried again.

I LOVE that these medications are what is helping me to become a surrogate for my IPs.. I'm not complaining at all. It's just so interesting to me what hormones and medication do to the human body and how my own body is experiencing it. Can't wait until this Friday when I have my ultrasound that confirms a Dec. 4th transfer!! :)

A transfer date!!!

Its officially happening!! I have a tentative transfer date of December 4th. My period started yesterday and I started my medication today. Estradiol that I take 3 times daily, baby asprin once a day, prenatal vitimins and then I have some ultrasounds and blood work done. On Nov 29th they do a final check to measure my uterine lining. When they see that it's nice and thick (bc it will be, I am thinking nicely lined thoughts) they will officially schedule my transfer for the 4th of December!! The 29th of Nov will begin my Progesterone Oil shots in my hip every day until I am 12 weeks pregnant, and also a progesterone gel caplet that is taken vaginally every day. (Weird I know.. but hey...it's the medical facts and I TOLD you I was going to be blunt didn't I?)

My IF is coming out for the transfer and I am so excited to see him! IM can't come out because she is still recovering from some medical complications and can't fly just yet. Indonesia is a looooong couple of flights away. I plan on skyping the appointment though so she can be a part of it. If not, I will record the ultrasound where we can see them insert the embryo! Either way I want to be sure she is 100% included and so she can see her little baby from day 1!!

In the words of Linguini from Rattatouie "Lets do this thing!!"

SAI Surrogate Retreat in LA...

This weekend was the SAI surrogate's retreat in Los Angeles. The retreat is paid for by the intended parents and is truly a gift for the surrogate mothers of SAI to get time to bond with each other, and talk about our experiences while enjoying a nice holiday without our kids. My flight left on Friday afternoon at 1pm. The flight was a little bumpy coming in to LAX airport, but other than that the flight was smooth and I had a lovely conversation with a woman on her way to visit her son at UCLA. I always cherish the conversations I have with people on airplanes. Its my belief that every flight I take, God puts me beside someone who could either benefit from knowing me, or who I could benefit from knowing, that our souls would enjoy the brief meeting and then continue on our way. The mother of the UCLA student gave me pause to think about my children in the season of life that they are in now, and to appreciate how quickly it goes by. When I landed I checked my phone because I was supposed to meet up with another surrogate mother named Daisy who was also flying into LAX, where we would then carpool together to the Hilton hotel in Universal City. My phone lit up with a text from her saying that she had missed her flight, and I reassured her that I would be fine, and to not worry. I grabbed a cab and told Maximo the grandfather from Mexico City, that I needed to go to Universal City..to the Hilton hotel. He smiled and pushed up her very large rimmed glasses and said "Ok you have credit card?" I said "Yes I do." He said "Is it good??" and then followed that with a hearty laugh,popped the trunk to load my suitcase and camera bag.

I had forgotten just how much I hated LA traffic...the ride along the 405 freeway swiftly reminded me. Not only did cars sit stopped along the freeway, but motorcycles weaved in and out of traffic, and blinkers served more as warnings to the other cars to speed up and close the gap rather than as means to let you over. When I arrived at the Hilton in Universal City, it's safe to say that I felt nothing short of Royalty. The bell man opened my taxi door, and lifted me gently from the vehicle by my hand. There was a long red carpet from the car door to the glass automatic doors of the hotel, and upon entry I was greeted by one of the largest chandeliers I have ever seen. The woman at the front desk welcomed me very kindly and gave me my room key. I would be in room 1556 on the 15th floor. As I stood in the elevator with my bags, watching the lights on each floor slowly go up, I noticed that there was no 13th floor in the hotel. The lights jumped directly from 12-14. My roommate had not yet arrived, and I took the time alone in the room to remove my boots, and sprawl possessively across my bed. The comforter was heavy and made from down feathers, and I let myself nestle into the covers. I missed my kids, but I was excited for the weekend to start. My roommate Antoinette arrived shortly after, and we hit it off instantly. Our personalities seemed to mesh nicely and we gathered our White elephant gifts for the gift exchange that night and headed to the ball room where our dinner was to be. Some of the girls had already arrived and I greeted Monica and Bernadette with hugs. It was so great to meet the SAI team in person. We had spoken on the phone and through email often, but there's something about seeing someone eye to eye that just makes that relationship real. Monica and Bernadette are so nice, and Bernadette's laugh was contagious. You couldn't help smiling as she laughed, even if you weren't in on the conversation. I helped myself to a plate of watermelon turkey, the most amazing mashed potatoes, and some grilled veggies. Afterwards we exhanged white elephant gifts and I ended up with a White elephant scarf and a gift card to TJ Max. Score!!

This is all my loot I got from the night! We got a goody bag that had the softest blanket, a home made candle, socks, a necklace, soap etc. It was lovely. The night was so much fun. On Saturday we woke up for breakfast at 8am, and headed to Warner Brothers Studios at 9am, where I was able to see the original costumes from Harry Potter, as well as the Friends set!! I even got to sit on the COUCH!!! It was a dream come true. We ate lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp and enjoyed a stroll looking at the shops at Universal Studios. I got the kids some little stuffed animals, and then headed back to the hotel with Antoinette where I took some maternity photos of her. At 7pm we met at the Hard Rock Cafe and enjoyed a meal together, and shouted our conversations above Aerosmith and Alkaline Trio.

I think my favorite part of this retreat was the individual time I got to spend with each woman, to hear her story. Sometimes her previous or surrogate experience sounded like a nightmare with IPs going back on their agreements, or never sending any updates on how their baby was doing, and sometimes the surrogacy story was just as she hoped, with healthy and happy babies and friendships that either stay or fade exactly as the surrogate hoped. I thought about my own IPs this weekend frequently, and about how lucky I was to have such a good relationship with them. We communicate often and are always very open about things. Seeing all of the beautiful bellies made me emotional and so excited for my own transfer hopefully at the end of this month.

I can only describe the bond I felt to the surrogate ladies as similar to what I felt surrounded by other Marine Wives during a deployment in that no one had to explain what they felt, or why they felt it...bc we all understood. We all knew. We were all on the same roller coaster. I didn't realize how much I craved the support and the community of women in surrogacy until this weekend. I made some friendships I have a feeling will be lasting, and now have a whole slew of women who are here to support me as I continue on this journey of surrogacy.

Holy medication Bat-man!!

I got my box of medications today! My chart on my phone says my period is due to begin in 6 days, but the cramps I feel right now might mean it's sooner than that. I knew there would be a lot of medicines in the box arriving today, I knew there would be needles, and lots of pills, but Holy Moses!

All of this is to essentially manufacture my body's naturaly produced hormones, so that the Dr's can be aware of exactly how much of each hormone is given to maximize the chances of pregnancy at the IVF transfer. I have Estrogen that I will begin taking when my period starts, and progesterone in pill form, also Progesterone oil for the injections that begin a few days before my transfer and continue into the beginning of the pregnancy. I have anti-biotics that I will take after the transfer to prevent any unforseen infection...and the needle, which APPARENTLY needs to be stuck ALL the way into my muscle above my bottom. HOLY OW!!! Its all good.. I hate needles but it's worth it. Maybe I'll take a picture of my face while my husband sticks me. Just call me Corinne-pin-cushion! Here's the needle....

 

And her is a picture of my son who wanted to be a part of all of the picture taking I was doing..

 

Now that I have all of the medication I need, the only thing left to do before it all starts is wait for my period. 

I leave tomorrow morning for Los Angeles CA to be a part of SAI's retreat in Universal City! I'm so excited to sit down and chat with other surrogate mothers and to hear from them about their own experiences. It will be a weekend for the soul. I am just filled with joy about this whole process. :) I will update all of you after my weekend with plenty of pictures and memories made.