Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Shipping breastmilk can sometimes get awkward...

I've been posting my awkward shipping experiences on Facebook and someone suggested I put them all down in one place. So here they all are! In sequence, and over the course of a month. ;) Enjoy!

At UPS dropping off the first shipment of frozen milk for the babies, there's an 18 year old kid at the cashier. He takes my package, weighs it, and starts writing up the info for shipping.
Kid: ..and contents?
Me: Breastmilk.
Kid (shocked): So..uh..ok. *blushing*
Me: *enjoying watching This poor kid turn beet red and fill in the info about this breastmilk shipment.* So is my info saved now for further shipments?
Kid: Of more breastmilk?
Me: Yyyyyyyyyup. *smiling*
Kid: Ya it should be saved...I hope. *blushes harder*
Hahahaha awwwwwwkward.

Awkward breastmilk shipment story part 2...
Imagine..if you will..a packed UPS. Joe the construction worker is picking up packages, Asian lady in a visor needs to buy tape, and an elderly couple is arguing over who needs to sign for a notarized DNR paper. 18 year old kid is working again, but luckily he is busy with Joe the construction worker, so (we'll call her Philipino Auntie), Philipino Auntie takes my box of frozen milk...
PA: Whats in the box?
Me: Breastmilk.
*18 year old kid is smiling at the cash register..Joe the construction worker looks over and quickly away.*
PA: need box?
Me: Yes please.
*PA goes to get a box so Persian Owner with a bad hair piece takes my info while she packs the ice chest..*
Persian Owner: Ok..contents of the box?
*every time I say breast milk, PA pulls tape and Persian owner can't hear me and asks again..*
Me: *shouting expecting tape noise...but there is silence* BREASTMILK!
Persian Owner: Oh..ok. Breastmilk.
*18 year old walks by with a box smiling again*
Did you know your shins could sweat?? I didn't know you could sweat from your shins... I swear you can't make this shit up. I think I need a beer.

Awkward breastmilk shipment story..part 3.
I walk in, already sweating, and Philipino Auntie and 18 year old kid are both on their cell phones, Persian owner with the bad hair piece is speaking in Farsi on the phone presumably to his mother since the only word in Farsi I could understand was Mum. He winks at me..(yes please let's make this even more awkward shall we?)
18 year old kid puts his cell phone down to assist me. Great. He starts taking my info again when I hear (let's call him "Student from Ellis") Student from Ellis walks in behind me..
SFE: Hi Mrs Oestreich!!!!!!
😳 (this can't be real life.)
*turning around with a smile*
Me: Well hi there!! You're out with your mom, how fun! *turning back around I give 18 year old kid a look that can only be described as "If you ask me what the fucking contents are, I will reply with 'your intestines'." And luckily he gets the hint and never asks...
Ladies and Gentleman I believe we have reached an understanding....finally. So I finish my shipment and walk sweaty shinned to the car, grateful that I didn't have to say/scream "breastmilk!" In front of one of my students...

Awkward breastmilk shipment story part 4...
Well it was bound to happen, but today I had to bring my kids with me for a milk drop off. I carried the box in and told the kids to stand near me while Philipino Auntie helped me with my shipment. 18 year old kid was no where to be found..luckily, and Philipino Auntie who was obviously DONE with the fact that it was a Friday afternoon began to ring up my shipment.
PA: Contents?
Me: (Thinking to myself "really?...we're gunna do this?) Breast milk.
PA: Fresh silk?
Me: Breast Milk!
Emma begins dancing and spinning around the store singing "Breast milk!! Breast milk!! Breast milk!!" At the top of her lungs, at which time the 18 year old kid walks in from break. He has a smile on his face as he avoids eye contact with me on his way to the back of the store.
Me: Sigh.
PA: Anything else Ma'am?
Me: (Thinking to myself..a Xanax?)
Hunter then begins spanking me as we walk out he door singing "What chu gunna do with that big fat butt?! Wiggle wiggle wiggle."
😑🍼. the things I do for these twins... Lol

Awkward Breastmilk shipment story Part 5...
We walk into UPS, 18 year old kid is working along with Philipino Auntie. PA is busy taping someone's artwork to ship, so 18 year old kid smiles awkwardly as I walk up with my ice chest.
Me: Hi.
18 year old Kid: Hey. Phone number?
I give him my number and he begins taking all the measurements and weight for shipping. PA finishes her packing and comes to help with my shipment. She tapes up the box loudly as I attempt to give my info again to the 18 year old kid..
18 year old kid: So... Same contents as usual?
Me: *hallelujah chorus starts playing in my head* Yes.
PA: BREASTMILK. (She shouts this loudly, proud of herself for remembering what I have been shipping for weeks now...people in line are now staring at us.)
18 year old kid and I both turn exasperated at PA. Seriously?
18 year old kid: I think I'm going to give you the box for charge. (Smile)
Me: Thanks.

Awkward breastmilk shipment story part 6....
Philipino Auntie and 18 year old kid are working. They've opened the store computer to play Mozart's cello concerto in A on YouTube and its playing loudly. There is no one in the store except myself and my kids. Luckily. PA is on the phone with someone named Amanda who needs to ship something in an oversized box, so 18 year old kid helps me out again.
We've comfortably accepted that avoiding eye contact is really probably the best way to make this multi-weekly transaction less awkward.
We go through the whole process.. Measurement, phone number, same contents miss? Sign here.. Slide card.. And I can hear the music building... The Mozart in the back ground is crescendoing and my anxiety is subconsciously building. As if on cue, the music peaks, 18 year old kid hands me my receipt, and just as I believe I will finally escape here free of awkwardness, Philipino Auntie hangs up the phone and turns around to see me saying "Hey!! Breastmilk!!"

😑 Apparently I am not the only one who has assigned nick names. Lol

No comments:

Post a Comment