Explaining Surrogacy to Your Young Children

I have had women interested in becoming a surrogate, as well as friends ask me how I approach the topic of surrogacy to my two young children. My son is 3, and my daughter is 16 months old. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my son understood that there was a baby in my tummy, but only in a very surface way. He didn't understand that once the baby came out that his life would be different forever, or that it meant he would have a sister. That was only because he was so young.  Now that he is 3, and absorbing the world around him like a sponge I knew it was important for him to understand 2 very important things in regards to this pregnancy. The baby is not ours, and that I would never give him or his sister away.

I told him from the moment that I knew I was going into this surrogacy that a Doctor was going to put IM and IF's baby in my tummy and I was going to babysit their baby in my tummy until she was big enough to give back to her mommy and daddy. Expressing from the beginning that the baby was not mine to him gave him the base understanding that this was something different from his sisters birth. The babysitting was a reference I knew he could grasp, and that he knew babysitting was temporary. I have also told him several times how mommy and daddy are so happy to be able to help IM and IF become a mommy and daddy, and that we would never give him or his sister away. We are only giving their baby back after watching her for a while in my tummy. My son completely understands now, and doesnt think twice about it.

Almost every day my son hugs my belly and says "Hi IM and IF's baby!!" When their baby is born my wish is for my son to see IM and IF holding their baby so he can see the final picture. He can put together the pieces of the experience and see that they are finally a family. Even though he is "only 3" he understands a lot more than some people give 3 year olds credit for. I know seeing their family together and maybe giving the baby a little kiss will be just what he needs before moving on with the rest of us with our family life after a completed surrogacy.

My daughter points to my belly saying "Baby." and thinks I make a nice pillow, but other than that, I don't think she will notice that there is no baby in the house after I deliver. Not like her brother would.

Have any questions? Please feel free to post them or email them to me.

Its a.......

GIRL!!!

(Apparently some people were confused by the last image I had up because the hairbow I used was blue. Didn't mean to confuse, I just grabbed the nearest bow that I use for my daughter. Hope this is less confusing. Its definitely a girl!)

My ultrasound appointment was at 9am and I met IM and IF at the hospital. IF met me at the main door and greeted me with a big hug and we walked over to see IM. We hugged and I said hello to IM's Mother and Father and their friend who came with them before going to check in. The Ultrasound technician was running late but I didn't mind because it gave all of us a chance to chat and catch up a little. All the regular conversation subjects... How was your flight? Whats the weather like in Indonesia...Are you excited? All of that. IF joked about how the baby was sure to look like IM, and then the nurse came out to call us in. They had no problem allowing IM and IF into the ultrasound with me (which I was prepared to fight tooth and nail for.)  They did all of the usual checks for a 20 week ultrasound and said everything looked amazing. The heart had 4 beautiful chambers, good looking umbelical chord, extremities looked great and 100% sure its a girl!! IM was so happy to hear the baby was a girl. I agreed with her that girls have such a different closer relationship to their mommies than boys do, and since this will be their only child I knew they were so pleased to get ready for their little Princess.

After the ultrasound they drove with me to my house and were able to visit with my kids. Emma gave them a nice display of how dramatic she is, and kept asking to watch Frozen. Hunter grabbed the IP's friend who came with them by the hand and practically dragged him to his room to show him all his toys. I went back to rescue him after a while. ;) I gave my IPs a gift with little girl onesies and tiny slippers and they brought me delicious cookies from their layover in Tokyo, and the most amazing coffee!! I am so excited to make it sometime...but I want my brother to do it for me since I am sure I wouldn't brew it correctly with my cheapo coffee maker.

We had a nice time talking about what we planned for the delivery. I told them that I was comfortable with them both being in the room for my pushing and that they could follow their healthy baby and Jason would stay with me. I told them that their family was also welcome in the hospital room with them while we waited for push time. :) They are now on their way to LA and then to see some of the sights here in America while they are visiting! I will see them again in August when they will be out here until I deliver their baby. 

Thank you for all the prayers and love from everyone on this journey. Their baby is looking great! (and currently kicking.)

** I forgot to get a picture of all of us together!! Oh well...next time. :)**