Explaining Surrogacy to Your Young Children

I have had women interested in becoming a surrogate, as well as friends ask me how I approach the topic of surrogacy to my two young children. My son is 3, and my daughter is 16 months old. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my son understood that there was a baby in my tummy, but only in a very surface way. He didn't understand that once the baby came out that his life would be different forever, or that it meant he would have a sister. That was only because he was so young.  Now that he is 3, and absorbing the world around him like a sponge I knew it was important for him to understand 2 very important things in regards to this pregnancy. The baby is not ours, and that I would never give him or his sister away.

I told him from the moment that I knew I was going into this surrogacy that a Doctor was going to put IM and IF's baby in my tummy and I was going to babysit their baby in my tummy until she was big enough to give back to her mommy and daddy. Expressing from the beginning that the baby was not mine to him gave him the base understanding that this was something different from his sisters birth. The babysitting was a reference I knew he could grasp, and that he knew babysitting was temporary. I have also told him several times how mommy and daddy are so happy to be able to help IM and IF become a mommy and daddy, and that we would never give him or his sister away. We are only giving their baby back after watching her for a while in my tummy. My son completely understands now, and doesnt think twice about it.

Almost every day my son hugs my belly and says "Hi IM and IF's baby!!" When their baby is born my wish is for my son to see IM and IF holding their baby so he can see the final picture. He can put together the pieces of the experience and see that they are finally a family. Even though he is "only 3" he understands a lot more than some people give 3 year olds credit for. I know seeing their family together and maybe giving the baby a little kiss will be just what he needs before moving on with the rest of us with our family life after a completed surrogacy.

My daughter points to my belly saying "Baby." and thinks I make a nice pillow, but other than that, I don't think she will notice that there is no baby in the house after I deliver. Not like her brother would.

Have any questions? Please feel free to post them or email them to me.