My 8 week apt. and last visit with RSC in San Ramon!

Today was my last visit with Reproductive Science Center in San Ramon with Dr. Weckstein. I was scheduled for an ultrasound and then possibly blood work to begin taking me off my medications!! I got the the lobby and the Receptionist said "Hi Corinne!" Haha it felt nice that they knew me by my first name, and she instantly pulled out my chart. There was a couple speaking to another Dr. in the lobby with baby twins in their arms. Twin girls. I got so bubbly and excited at the thought that it might be IF and IM in here with their baby, showing Dr Weckstein in 7 months!!

The ultrasound went well, the baby was so much bigger than last time I saw it, and actually had begun taking on some human characteristics. Dr. Weckstein pointed out the head, and the spine, and even a leg! I took a video of it and send it to the IPs after the appointment. I still have a little bit of remaining blood loose in my uterus that my body hasn't absorbed yet, so I need to still take things relatively easy and rest as often as I can. I meet this Thursday with my new OB at Kaiser. He came very highly recommended, so I am excited to meet him and begin the rest of this journey in his care.

8 weeks down!! Yay! Bring on the second trimester...because this morning sickness/All day sickness has come on full swing. I am eating a rice cake as I type this, so I dont vomit all over my keyboard. Lovely image right? Goodnight everyone!

A little scare...but we're ok!

Last Wednesday I had my daughter Emma in her high chair ready to eat breakfast. Hunter was dancing around me asking for another glass of milk "Yes Hunter as soon as I feed Emma ok?" Emma had been sick for the past few days with a bad cold and Jason and I were up frequently with her at night. I started to feed Emma when I had that dreaded feeling every pregnant woman has a heart attack over... Warm discharge. Too warm. This felt like blood. I closed my eyes and said "Please God no..please no..." and I looked and sure enough I was bleeding. It was actually more than just spotting. I told myself to calm down, to focus, and I called my Dr. They asked me to come in for an Ultrasound and to check the bleeding. My friend Margie came over to watch my kids (she is another saint.) And I got in my car to drive to San Ramon.

I am going to take a short detour here and explain a moment that happened to me while I was getting blood taken to check my HCG numbers weeks ago... A moment where God stepped in and showed me, in a slap you in the face kind of way...that He was with me and all was in His hands. My numbers were slow to rise, and this was concerning at the time to my nurse. She asked me to come back in a third time for another blood draw. I got down on my knees the morning of the draw and prayed in full body asking God for comfort and for his will to match mine, and my IPs. I had the blood taken and got in my car to drive home. I began to pray again (I talk to God frequently), and mid-prayer, while stopped at a red light, I looked to my right and saw a plain white bus with IM's company logo on it... no other markings on the entire bus...just the one logo I know to be tied to her, and her life. I wont go into detail obviously of what the logo is, but just know that it would be EXTREMELY rare to see it, on a plain bus.. sitting right beside me..in a moment when I was praying about her and her baby. I sat with my mouth open, and goosebumps ran across my arm. I started to laugh because moments where God pops in to say "I'm here..I hear you." and for them to be so obvious are rare. I treasured that moment of comfort. That night I found out my number trippled.

On the way to my Ultrasound after bleeding I kept thinking about that moment at the stoplight when I saw the bus. "Why would God show me something so obvious if this wasn't going to work out?" I thought to myself. The ultrasound showed me a tiny beating heart at 113 bmp (beats per minute). I breathed a sigh of relief, but the Dr saw some blood above the sack inside my uterus. I would need to be on rest for a few days. Margie stayed the rest of the day with my kids (bless her heart) and then my husband took off of work the next day to help me. I went in again today (Monday) and the baby is even bigger, and the heart rate was now 145!! Yay!! The dr said the bleeding might have been from blood vessels inside the uterus, but she doesnt see it being a problem anymore as the baby will likely grow into the remaining blood and absorb it into the wall. I felt so much better and still have some help coming about 3 times a week with the kids. I will be able to rest, and nap. IM has been such a blessing and so involved with helping me, she sent me groceries to my house the other day! I almost cried.. it was so generous and thoughtful of her. I have my last ultrasound and meeting with Dr Weckstein on the 20th and then I will be released to my own dr at Kaiser. Still need to pick one. I have a NP (nurse practitioner) right now, but I want an actual OB. I have received some wonderful recommendations from my mommy friends on a Facebook Mom board. They have all been very helpful advice.

The Ultrasound

I was so anxious the night before my Ultrasound. I was glad to have the season premiere of Downton Abby to watch and get my mind off of feeling anxious and excited. This morning my friend Nicole came over to watch the kids and I zipped into the shower to take a quick one before my appointment. My Grandma called me to ask if I would like her to give me a ride to my appointment and I was so happy to have someone to nervously chat with while I waited for the ultrasound instead of nervously picking my fingers til they bled. I have a habit of doing that. :/

We got to the clinic early so we popped into Starbucks to grab a quick coffee before the appointment. I ordered my Grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte but this time it was decaf. I got myself off of caffeine for the pregnancy. Its healthier to be off of it completely even though the Dr says I can have up to 200mg of caffeine a day. I would rather just end it completely. It was nice spending the time with my Grandma, we don't get a lot of time just the two of us anymore with my little ones, so the calm conversation and harmless gossip was warmly welcomed.

The clinic waiting room felt like a Scandanavian sweat house. I was wearing a turtleneck and a sweater and drinking hot coffee while nervous though, so that might have been part of it. I was called back into the room and disrobed from the waste down for the vaginal ultrasound. The baby is too small to see well from an abdominal ultrasound yet. I got out my camera to video the ultrasound for the IPs. I was so excited to see one very healthy baby and the Dr was so nice to explain what everything was in the video, and I even got a video of the heartbeat! He said I am 6 weeks 2 days and and Due September 1st 2014.

I was so so excited. Even though this is not my first pregnancy, it is my IP's first child. So all of the excitement that comes along with the first is happening again for me! I will say that I definitely notice a major difference with this pregnancy emotionally. With my own children I felt a spiritual and emotional bond from the moment I saw two lines on the pregnancy test. With this pregnancy, even after seeing a heartbeat, I don't feel that emotional or spiritual bond that I felt with my own babies. Which is GOOD!! I don't want to feel bonded to a baby that is not mine. I'm just casually observant of the fact that this surrogacy is very different from a natural pregnancy where the child is genetically mine. I am nothing but overjoyed for my IPs.. I sent IF the videos of the ultrasound and can't wait to hear from IM  (she was asleep when I sent them) what she thinks!!

My Grandma was so excited to have been there to see the ultrasound. Its so fascinating, and different.

Now I go back in on Jan 20th for my 8 week ultrasound and then I will be released to my Kasier OB for the duration of the pregnancy. Yay!!

Bed Rest and Blood Tests: The Results are in!

Bed rest was relaxing for all of 4 hours. It was nice to lay there and check my Facebook, email, and watch TV, but after that first 4 hours it got old. My back started to hurt from laying down, and I started having some cramping on Friday, 2 days after the transfer. I took all of this to be good signs, that my uterus was cramping because of the changes it was making into a placenta and a tiny growing surro baby! I had the same crampy feeling with my own children, so I have become pretty good at recognizing what my body was doing.

The Dr said on a piece of paper that he gave me after the transfer that I should NOT take an at home pregnancy test... well...we all know how well I listen to instructions like THAT.. Come ON!! Of course I took a test..or two...or 20. Well on Day 8 I got a positive!!!!! I literally jumped up and down with excitement in my bathroom at 7am...silent celebrating bc my children were still asleep. Then I dropped to my knees in praise. Somewhat of a "Please let that line continue to get darker" prayer. I took a test the next morning and low and behold it was even darker!! Then on day 10 after transfer it was dark enough that I felt comfortable telling my IPs. So I sent a test to IF asking him to call me with IM when they woke up. (It was 3am their time when I sent the message.) At about 6pm they called me. :) They asked how I was and I told them I was fine they said I was on speaker phone. I told them I got a faint positive line that morning and I was hopeful for good news after the blood test. They first said "...wow...wow." and then IM started laughing. I could feel the joy and rekindled hope from over the phone, and I started to tear up. They thanked me for calling them, and when we got off the phone IF sent me a text message again thanking me and saying how in shock they were. I sent them a picture of the pregnancy test, and got ready for some good news at the blood test.

This morning was the blood test. I got dressed and even wore my Batik scarf that my IPs gave me for good luck. I drove down 680 with the biggest smile on my face because I already knew.. I woke up feeling sick, and my tummy was already portruding a little. It happens quickly with me. I show right away, even if the only thing showing is my swollen uterus, and not bc they baby has pushed it out yet. The blood test was quick...and at 11:45am I got a call saying I was officially PREGNANT!!!! I was over the moon, and I go back in on Tuesday morning so they can make sure my numbers continue to go up, and to check the estrogen and progesterone levels to see if my meds need adjusting.

I texted my IPs , and sometime soon they will read it and see that I am for sure pregnant! Merry Christmas to my IPs and to their family. I am overjoyed, and ready to relax and get this baby to grow grow grow!

Ultrasound for the heartbeat is on Jan 6th.. I can't wait.

The Transfer

The day before my transfer felt more like Christmas Eve than the day before a medical procedure. I spent all day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I even scrubbed my baseboards people... I had to keep busy to pass the time otherwise I would feel too excited. I settled into bed around 12:30, after my daily progesterone shot courtesy of my husband. Emma woke up at 3:40am, and Jason and I took turns trying to help her go back to sleep. I attempted to give her Tylenol around 4am and that triggered her vomiting all over her crib, then me, then the floor. I sat in the bath with her and washed her off while Jason changed sheets and scrubbed the floor clean. It all seemed so poetic to me. This very thing was the reason I wanted to become a surrogate. I had said "On nights where my children are up crying and fussy, or vomiting all over me and themselves, I remember that there are couples in the world who long to be up all night with a child of their own. I want to give those parents sleepless nights as odd as that sounds. I want them to enjoy the moments of parenthood that I experience." And there I was at 4am on the eve of my transfer, covered in vomit and sitting in a tub with my half awake screaming 11 month old. I actually laughed out loud and smiled to myself.
  
 She finally drifted off to sleep around 4:30 or so and still woke up at 7:30am on the dot. That kid is like clockwork. I quickly got up, got dressed while my husband took Emma and Hunter into the play room to watch TV and started my makeup. IF and his father arrived at my house to pick me up and take me to the transfer at 8am. I was only half done with my makeup (hey...if I was going to be stuck in bed all day I wanted to make sure I looked presentable at least.) IF and IM were so sweet and bought gifts for my children and for Jason and I. Hunter got a little set of dinosaurs that he honestly has played with all day, and Emma got a little push popping toy. They were so sweet and gave Jason and I a set of very fine teas. I absolutely love tea so their gift made me so excited!

We got on the road, and IF, his father and I enjoyed the scenery and excitement as we traveled to my appointment. When I checked in, they didn't need blood work and I was called back to a surgical suite fairly quickly. I was prepped, and the nurse checked my bladder via ultrasound to be sure that they could see for the embryo insertion. I was good to go! The Dr brought back IF after a few minutes and IF sat near my head and filmed the transfer of the embryo for me. I wanted to send it to IM so that she could see the transfer even if she wasn't able to be there. Here is that video...

The whole process was entirely pain free. I literally felt no discomfort whatsoever. It was incredibly fascinating to me to think "I'm not pregnant" one moment and then "I could be pregnant right now" the next. Seeing the embryo actually in my uterus gave this pregnancy a different kind of magic. Usually I am used to understanding a very basic concept of conception and how it works. I knew that with my own children, I had sexual intercourse with my husband and 2 weeks later there was a double pink line on a home pregnancy test. This pregnancy will begin with me knowing the exact second IF and IM's embryo was implanted and that is a whole different kind of amazing magic I like to call "Science at the hand of God and his workers." Amazing amazing amazing moment. After the Dr left the room so that I could sit for 5 minutes, they had checked the catheter under a microscope to be sure the embryo was in, I felt emotional. (Big surprise.) The reality of the years of wanting to be a surrogate for a couple, meeting and feeling so strongly for IF and IM and their drive and journey to become parents, and then actually having their embryo inside my belly where it can grow and become a tiny baby brought tears to my eyes. Poor IF... I didn't even unleash my real waterworks around him but I was teary at the magnitude of that moment. Imagine how blubbery I will be at the birth when I see them as parents!!! Oh boy...

I am now sitting on the couch, typing this while lying on my back (its quite entertaining to see..) My dear friend Nicole who is actually more like an Angel has been here helping do everything with the kids since Jason left for work, and we are currently both enjoying over sized jamba juices. I am soooo excited to test for pregnancy... I definitely have 5 tests....I will use all of them.

We're a go for transfer!!!!

FINALLY!! We are scheduled for a transfer!!! I am so excited I could burst... here is how today went.

I left the house at 8:30am to head to San Ramon and didn't get there until 9:30 exactly because of a huge traffic jam on the way there. Nicole came over (again...I swear the woman is an angel) to watch the kids while Jason went to school to take his final. I was nervous again.. my last reading at my ultrasound was 7.22, and needed to be at least an 8. My estrogen was doubled, but I was still worried that IF came all the way out here for nothing only to be told that we would have to wait another week or so. I rushed into the lobby of the clinic and gave IF a quick hug hello and met his father who was so kind, and grabbed my clipboard to head to the lab. The blood draw was quick and painless. The nurse who always takes my blood was so good I didn't even feel the needle go in. Can she do my progesterone shots please?? Then I headed back to the lobby and (this was so embarrassing) I got so engrosed in conversation with IF and his dad, that I forgot to turn my clipboard in to the nurse at the front desk so we were just sitting there...waiting...for my name that wouldnt be called bc i was holding it in my hand. (Forehead smack) UGh!! Silly me.

The nurse called me right away after I handed in my paperwork (of course), and then I went into the room to situate myself on the table with the cloth over me before the nurse let IF in the room. I've decided that there is no flattering way to sit on a medical table with your legs up in stirrups. There just isn't. IF sat up near my head and was very kind to check to make sure I was still comfortable with him being in the room for my ultrasound.  I was. The nurse took my measurements and we were all so excited to see that I was measuring at 9!! A different angle showed 10, so she averaged out my number to 9.5!! I was so relieved! My transfer date is set to Dec 11th. I start my anti biotics on the 7th, progesterone shots on the 8th, and then they call me on the 9th with a time for my transfer. I will be on bed rest Dec 11th and 12th, and light rest the 13th. I am more excited for this transfer...than I am for Christmas!!! Another Surro-mom said this the other day, and it's just so true!! IM texted me today saying she wished she could be with me today as well. I feel so terrible for her.. I wish she could be here for all of this as well but her health is so much more important, and I will be sharing absolutely everything with her. :)

After the appointment IF and his father took me out to brunch and we really enjoyed fun conversation about Germany, and my kids, and IF's father showed me pictures of IF as a child. So cute!! I just know IF and IM will have a gorgeous baby, they both look like they could be models. IF and IM gave me a beautiful Batik scarf today as well and I was so touched... I wore it tonight to choir practice. It is just so beautiful.

Thats all for now folks... I will update again after the shots...

Not quite ready...

So I had my Dr's apt. on the 29th  where they took my blood and did a vaginal ultrasound to measure the lining of my uterus. My lining was at a 7.22 which they said was not thick enough yet, so my Estradiol has been doubled (yay) and I go in for another appointment on the 5th for more blood work and another ultrasound. IF is in the US now and ready to come up for my transfer whenever the Dr. gives us the OK.

I'm really anxious.. I want everything to go perfectly for IF and IM, and for the Dr to say at my next appointment that all is ready to go! By the way, the first few days on Estradiol kicked my butt, and I am back in the crappy phase again as I adjust to a double dosage. I now take 6 pills of Estradiol a day. 2 at a time. It feels like I have the flu, but without the muscle aches.. oh and really moody. My grandma tried to tell me that there was a new young lady at church today and I snapped back with "uhm...ok." instead of realizing that she was trying to show me so I could make a friend. (forehead smack) ughhh.. sorry Grandma. The non hormonal me in the back of my mind gasped and recoiled at my rude response, but the surface me just half smiled and walked away.

I just hope I get some good news on the 5th when I go back in for this next ultrasound. Staying positive and thinking good thoughts!