SAI Surrogate Retreat in LA...

This weekend was the SAI surrogate's retreat in Los Angeles. The retreat is paid for by the intended parents and is truly a gift for the surrogate mothers of SAI to get time to bond with each other, and talk about our experiences while enjoying a nice holiday without our kids. My flight left on Friday afternoon at 1pm. The flight was a little bumpy coming in to LAX airport, but other than that the flight was smooth and I had a lovely conversation with a woman on her way to visit her son at UCLA. I always cherish the conversations I have with people on airplanes. Its my belief that every flight I take, God puts me beside someone who could either benefit from knowing me, or who I could benefit from knowing, that our souls would enjoy the brief meeting and then continue on our way. The mother of the UCLA student gave me pause to think about my children in the season of life that they are in now, and to appreciate how quickly it goes by. When I landed I checked my phone because I was supposed to meet up with another surrogate mother named Daisy who was also flying into LAX, where we would then carpool together to the Hilton hotel in Universal City. My phone lit up with a text from her saying that she had missed her flight, and I reassured her that I would be fine, and to not worry. I grabbed a cab and told Maximo the grandfather from Mexico City, that I needed to go to Universal City..to the Hilton hotel. He smiled and pushed up her very large rimmed glasses and said "Ok you have credit card?" I said "Yes I do." He said "Is it good??" and then followed that with a hearty laugh,popped the trunk to load my suitcase and camera bag.

I had forgotten just how much I hated LA traffic...the ride along the 405 freeway swiftly reminded me. Not only did cars sit stopped along the freeway, but motorcycles weaved in and out of traffic, and blinkers served more as warnings to the other cars to speed up and close the gap rather than as means to let you over. When I arrived at the Hilton in Universal City, it's safe to say that I felt nothing short of Royalty. The bell man opened my taxi door, and lifted me gently from the vehicle by my hand. There was a long red carpet from the car door to the glass automatic doors of the hotel, and upon entry I was greeted by one of the largest chandeliers I have ever seen. The woman at the front desk welcomed me very kindly and gave me my room key. I would be in room 1556 on the 15th floor. As I stood in the elevator with my bags, watching the lights on each floor slowly go up, I noticed that there was no 13th floor in the hotel. The lights jumped directly from 12-14. My roommate had not yet arrived, and I took the time alone in the room to remove my boots, and sprawl possessively across my bed. The comforter was heavy and made from down feathers, and I let myself nestle into the covers. I missed my kids, but I was excited for the weekend to start. My roommate Antoinette arrived shortly after, and we hit it off instantly. Our personalities seemed to mesh nicely and we gathered our White elephant gifts for the gift exchange that night and headed to the ball room where our dinner was to be. Some of the girls had already arrived and I greeted Monica and Bernadette with hugs. It was so great to meet the SAI team in person. We had spoken on the phone and through email often, but there's something about seeing someone eye to eye that just makes that relationship real. Monica and Bernadette are so nice, and Bernadette's laugh was contagious. You couldn't help smiling as she laughed, even if you weren't in on the conversation. I helped myself to a plate of watermelon turkey, the most amazing mashed potatoes, and some grilled veggies. Afterwards we exhanged white elephant gifts and I ended up with a White elephant scarf and a gift card to TJ Max. Score!!

This is all my loot I got from the night! We got a goody bag that had the softest blanket, a home made candle, socks, a necklace, soap etc. It was lovely. The night was so much fun. On Saturday we woke up for breakfast at 8am, and headed to Warner Brothers Studios at 9am, where I was able to see the original costumes from Harry Potter, as well as the Friends set!! I even got to sit on the COUCH!!! It was a dream come true. We ate lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp and enjoyed a stroll looking at the shops at Universal Studios. I got the kids some little stuffed animals, and then headed back to the hotel with Antoinette where I took some maternity photos of her. At 7pm we met at the Hard Rock Cafe and enjoyed a meal together, and shouted our conversations above Aerosmith and Alkaline Trio.

I think my favorite part of this retreat was the individual time I got to spend with each woman, to hear her story. Sometimes her previous or surrogate experience sounded like a nightmare with IPs going back on their agreements, or never sending any updates on how their baby was doing, and sometimes the surrogacy story was just as she hoped, with healthy and happy babies and friendships that either stay or fade exactly as the surrogate hoped. I thought about my own IPs this weekend frequently, and about how lucky I was to have such a good relationship with them. We communicate often and are always very open about things. Seeing all of the beautiful bellies made me emotional and so excited for my own transfer hopefully at the end of this month.

I can only describe the bond I felt to the surrogate ladies as similar to what I felt surrounded by other Marine Wives during a deployment in that no one had to explain what they felt, or why they felt it...bc we all understood. We all knew. We were all on the same roller coaster. I didn't realize how much I craved the support and the community of women in surrogacy until this weekend. I made some friendships I have a feeling will be lasting, and now have a whole slew of women who are here to support me as I continue on this journey of surrogacy.

Holy medication Bat-man!!

I got my box of medications today! My chart on my phone says my period is due to begin in 6 days, but the cramps I feel right now might mean it's sooner than that. I knew there would be a lot of medicines in the box arriving today, I knew there would be needles, and lots of pills, but Holy Moses!

All of this is to essentially manufacture my body's naturaly produced hormones, so that the Dr's can be aware of exactly how much of each hormone is given to maximize the chances of pregnancy at the IVF transfer. I have Estrogen that I will begin taking when my period starts, and progesterone in pill form, also Progesterone oil for the injections that begin a few days before my transfer and continue into the beginning of the pregnancy. I have anti-biotics that I will take after the transfer to prevent any unforseen infection...and the needle, which APPARENTLY needs to be stuck ALL the way into my muscle above my bottom. HOLY OW!!! Its all good.. I hate needles but it's worth it. Maybe I'll take a picture of my face while my husband sticks me. Just call me Corinne-pin-cushion! Here's the needle....

 

And her is a picture of my son who wanted to be a part of all of the picture taking I was doing..

 

Now that I have all of the medication I need, the only thing left to do before it all starts is wait for my period. 

I leave tomorrow morning for Los Angeles CA to be a part of SAI's retreat in Universal City! I'm so excited to sit down and chat with other surrogate mothers and to hear from them about their own experiences. It will be a weekend for the soul. I am just filled with joy about this whole process. :) I will update all of you after my weekend with plenty of pictures and memories made. 

 

 

"Preparing the canvas"

My mother is an artist. She has painted on China, in Watercolor, drawn in pencil, in charcoal, and pastels. These are some of my favorite art pieces that she created, and that I own.

As a child, I grew up with her at home (which was a blessing) and she taught China Painting at our house in her art room through the City of Sunnyvale. I was raised with Children's books on Monet, and Renoir. I could look at a painting and say "That's Salvador Dahli." and could describe the technique with which Vincent Van Gough used for his paintings. There were certain phrases that as I child I heard often. "Preparing the canvas" was one of them. My mom was not a huge oil painter, her medium of choice moved with her interests. She enjoyed painting in Watercolor as I journeyed into my early teens. She spent a lot of time "preparing" various canvases, and this morning as I swallowed my Pre-natal vitamin in preparation for becoming pregnant I was reminded of that phrase.

I am, in a way, preparing the canvas for pregnancy. Now I don't mean to infer that as a Pregnant woman I will see myself as some sort of work of Art...that seems rather vain. I intend the phrase to be interpreted as my body will host something beautiful and must be cared for in preparation for that beauty to be at it's best. The beauty being a baby. I have upped my daily glasses of water to hydrate myself better, taking a prenatal vitamin and  have been eating healthier. Not much I can do about the amount of sleep I'm getting with a teething 10 month old, but I think I'll survive.

Next on my surrogacy schedule is wait for my next period. Once my period starts I call the Fertility Clinic and receive all of my medication and instructions. In the mean time, I am continuing to prepare my canvas for pregnancy. I am also very excited to attend the Retreat in Los Angeles coming up. :) It will be fun to meet all the other surrogate mothers and hear from them about their experiences so far.

Here we go!! :)

You know that moment when you're on a roller coaster, all strapped in, and the car slowly tick tick ticks it's way up to the top of the very tall hill? The anticipation as you get higher and higher builds as the car finally levels at the top, almost seeming to stop, before gravity and momentum pulls the car forward and you begin the journey on the rest of the roller coaster.

I am at the top of the hill you guys, about to begin my incredible, fun, and whirlwind of a journey in this surrogacy roller coaster.. I have the final draft of my Surrogacy contract IN HAND, and will be signing it tomorrow with a Notary who is coming to our house to fill out all the paperwork.

My Period started yesterday, so as soon as I turn this paperwork into my attorney I can go get my estrogen pills to begin building the lining of my uterus. Once everything is lined, I will schedule my transfer and a few days before my transfer, begin the Progesterone shots in my hip every day for the next 3 months I believe. (I find out for sure when I get all the medication so I can have a more accurate description of all that when I get it.)

I'm going to get emotional here for a second. (This will happen a lot you guys..) I have dreamed about his journey for a very long time. To be able to help IF (Intended Father) and IM (Intended Mother) is the most incredible blessing. They have told me on several occasions how grateful they are, but I cannot express how grateful I am to THEM! To allow me the honor of helping them to have their first child. Words cannot express the complete and tangible joy that brings to my soul. Their child will forever be a glow around my heart because I will be able to help God to create a family! Their child will be born in their hearts..IS born in their hearts, and has lived there since the day they desired to have him/her. I am just the package their baby will be wrapped in, growing, and getting ready to finally be placed in their arms. It's a strange emotion, a strange feeling, to feel a soul waiting to come to earth, standing in the wings. This is all really happening. Please send your prayers to whichever God you believe in, or if you believe in no God, send positive energy into the world with IF and IM in mind as we get ready for a transfer hopefully in a few weeks! Pray or hope for the embryo to nestle comfortably and healthy for the next 9 months. :)

How to handle "those" comments...

"You're going to carry someone else's baby?? Isn't it going to be difficult to give up the baby?"

"WHY would you be willing to carry a baby for a gay couple when there are plenty of deserving straight couples??"

"Why don't they just adopt?"

"If infertile people can't have babies, maybe it's because God didn't want them to have a child."

Ok.... Now that your blood is boiling...take a minute to breathe. Let it out slowly. If you are a surrogate mother, or planning on becoming one, or even thinking about becoming a surrogate and have talked to people about it, you may have heard any of the above comments in some way shape or form.

Its upsetting. It hurts. You stand there for a minute with your mouth agape and your brain says "Did they REALLY just say that?" If you're anything like me, your first instinct is to try and dismiss what they said. Maybe they didn't mean it to come out as offensive as it did. Perhaps their thoughts were like word-vomit and they just couldn't stop it before they had a chance to think about it's effect on me. Or worse..maybe they did, and they don't care.

I've had a lot of emails from women asking me how I handle these types of comments. I have had time to analyze people and the comments made to me about my upcoming surrogacy and the one thing I have found to be a common factor is that the person with the strongest opinions generally have the least amount of knowledge regarding surrogacy. Part of why I am keeping this blog is to educate those around me as to the process of surrogacy both the medical aspects and the emotional aspects because there is not a lot of literature out there about it. At least not from the intimacy of the woman going through the surrogacy.

The first time someone said to me "I could never give up a baby after carrying it for 9 months..I don't know how you're going to be able to do it." my first thought internally was "Well it's a good thing it's me doing this then, and not you." Obviously I didn't say that out loud because I realized a split second later, that they were just NOW forming their opinion about surrogacy where as I had spent years thinking about it and deciding if I wanted to do it. There was one occasion where I did actually get angry and say something similar to that, but that was after giving this person several chances to redeem themselves. :/ I am no longer friends with that individual, and am happier for it. My advice to the mothers reading this blog who are in surrogacy, or considering it is this... "Opinions change with new information." Take an internal moment after that initial statement to breathe, then educate. Say as much about the process as you are comfortable baring, and your reasons why you want to be a surrogate. Often times the person listening will be taken aback and feel a change in their opinion. They may say "Wow..that's really incredible of you." or...they may not. If they choose either to not listen to you or to not care, distance yourself from that situation. Lord knows if you are already pregnant your hormones are going crazy anyways. Choose love. Love them and allow them to disagree, but that doesn't mean you need to subject yourself to it constantly. I always settle for a pleasant smile and "Ok..thank you for your opinion." and then walk away. Followed by maybe a little zen meditation, or a quick call to my mom to vent. HAHA!

The world is filled with people, each person going through their own struggles, coming from their own upbringing and exposures to life.  Social media has given each one of those person's a microphone with which to shout their opinions at the world. Sometimes it is best to put your speakers on mute, and just let it be.


As a small update on my personal surrogacy, I am still waiting for my contract to be finalized for me to review and sign. :) Love to all of you!

Saline Sonogram

Today I went in for my Saline Sonogram where they insert a catheter into my uterus and inject saline solution to see the inside of my uterus and make sure there is no scar tissue, or tumors or anything unusual. I went by myself today to the appointment, and was told that Jason and my blood results came back great!! I am Hep B immune and all my blood work came back normal.

The saline sonogram was interesting. They inserted a catheter through my cervix and injected the saline and I could see my uterus expand on the monitor. It was really cool. I didnt even feel the catheter when it was inserted. It was over all a very pain free process.The only difference during the actual transfer is that the embryos will be in the saline next time.  The Dr said my Uterus was beautiful and looked text book. It was an odd compliment but I'll take what I can get. Mainly it made feel excited that I would be able to provide a nice plush warm place for Intended Father and Intended Mother's baby to grow healthy!!

The whole way home I kept thinking, "This is really happening!" I've now been psychologically and medically cleared for this process to continue. Its becoming a reality. I can only imagine the excitement that Intended Father and Intended Mother must be feeling now that they know that things are really picking up! I expect a call from my Lawyer this week or next sometime to go over the drafted contracts, and then once they are signed I begin my Estrogen pills etc.

I've begun thinking up fun ways to tell my IP's (Intended Parents) when I get pregnant. Pinterest is good for things like that. :)

Needle Pricks, Ultrasounds and lots and lots of information. (TMI??)

This is going to have a lot of the medical side to the consultation appointment so if you are squeemish about medical facts and natural human reproductive things DONT read any further..because I wont be censoring  anything.

Today was my appointment with the Reproductive Science Center in San Ramon. Jason and I had an appointment at 8:30am and (surprise surprise) we were running late. My friend Nicole came over at 7:30 to watch the kids, and I scrambled to get everything together and make sure I had all of the paperwork before leaving the house. I called the Dr at 8:20 to let them know we would be late. We got there at 8:45 and were sent to the blood lab. I gave a urine sample (the bathroom was chocked full of porn by the way...ahhh! Was not expecting it to be just laying out but...whatever. I'm no prude...anymore.) Jason gave blood and then I gave 6 vials. Basically they were testing for everything to make sure I was healthy and not deficient of anything. Then Jason and I met with our Nurse Practitioner Chris. She was so very nice and extremely patient and informative. She explained the entire process in detail. She explained the medication I would be taking and when I should begin taking it.

After my next period begins, I start taking an estrogen pill every day. Then 3 days before the embryo transfer Jason will give me one progesterone shot per day right in my rump. Ow! I will continue the shot every day for the next 7 weeks. I will also have a vaginal pill that I insert twice daily. (That was new to me... hadn't expected that one.) I will be on baby asprin every day and also on prenatal vitimins. :) Its a lot, but I can do it!! No problem.

After our questions with Chris the NP, we went to do the ultrasound. My ovaries were measured, but because I am still having some bleeding from my current period we were unable to do the saline mock transfer and she was unable to be sure my uterus was clear of pollups or scar tissue, so I go back in on Monday for another ultrasound.

Jason and I were starving after the appointment so we sat and had a nice lunch at Burger King. I haven't eaten there in forever! I told him I think the last time I ate at a Burger King was when we picked up some of his buddies from the Palm Springs Airport after his pre-deployment leave and shoved three marines and a terrified new marine wife in a truck with broken air conditioning.Cozy.

I was very happy to come home to find two happy babies, and a package from my friend Paula of her Renn Faire clothes she is lending me to wear to the Faire that is in town! I am so excited to go again.. it's been years since I have been there and I plan on enjoying a nice cold beer in costume at 10am... It will be the last drink I have for the next year or so. :) I'm excited for the next step in this surrogacy process.. Ultrasound on monday..then contracts!! Yay!